Print Topic
SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Scripts / Twisters
Posted by: Don, August 16th, 2015, 1:40pm
Twisters by Noah Pfister - Short, Horror, Comedy - In this short film, we see a parody of the zombie genre, where instead of zombies, we get the twisters. Small creatures that wobble around and twist people's nipples. In a world like this, it seems really hard for these five survivors to not only survive these creatures, but also themselves. 32 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: RichardR, August 18th, 2015, 8:37am; Reply: 1
Noah,
Sorry, I couldn't get through this. The writing reads immature and needs work. A face doesn't 'lighten up,' it 'lights up'. Lighten would mean something different. There are other mistakes also.
And the story line doesn't interest me either. It's not a parody I would appreciate. I suggest you read more scripts and study the writing and why it works. I also suggest you find a writer better than yourself who can help you become better.
Best
Richard
Posted by: DustinBowcot (Guest), August 19th, 2015, 3:33am; Reply: 2
It sounds quite funny. I actually like the concept. It would make kids laugh... even, perhaps, a few adults. I think this needs to be condensed though. There's only so far the nipple twister joke will go. Not badly written.
Whatever the point/punchline of this is, get to it quicker. I can't see a nipple joke lasting more than 10 pages.
Posted by: TonyDionisio, August 19th, 2015, 7:42am; Reply: 3
Quoted from DustinBowcot I can't see a nipple joke lasting more than 10 pages. |
This should be your signature from now on! :P
Posted by: DustinBowcot (Guest), August 19th, 2015, 12:42pm; Reply: 4
What a sad world it would be if the mention of nipples didn't bring a smile to one's face.
Posted by: eldave1, August 19th, 2015, 2:52pm; Reply: 5
The writing is fairly solid.
The story isn't for me at all.
This is one of my favorite character introductions:
Quoted Text This is TERESA: The Slut. |
My honest sense was that the talent here deserves a better premise. That's just me. Please don't consider the critique as tit for tat :)
Posted by: TonyDionisio, August 19th, 2015, 3:44pm; Reply: 6
Please don't consider the critique as tit for tat :) |
Or nipple for nipple.
Print page generated: May 2nd, 2024, 2:33am
Powered by
E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006