Dark Call by Curtis James Coffey - Horror - Driven by madness, a group of explorers trek the unknown to uncover the horrifying secret behind a mysterious cult. Based on the works of H.P. Lovecraft. 151 pages - pdf, format 8)

Curtis - I read the first four. I like your style for the most part. Pretty vivid other than I would watch for repeating the same verbs over and over (e.g., rush comes to mind). The dialogue seemed dead on for the period.

At 151 pages you are going to find a hard time getting reads. I would double check to make sure you have this is streamlined as possible.

I think you have talent.

Thanks for reading, eldave. I think you're correct in that I overuse rush a lot. I've actually caught myself doing it a few times.

In regards to the length, I have a bit of an explanation. First, I want to make it clear that this is a script that I do not intend to sell of have produced any time in the near future. It'll be something that will require me to have a good measure of success before consideration.

Ultimately, I'm trying to create a new genre with this script. "Epic Horror." Which is to say, big budget, large set pieces, and elaborate special effects. With that also comes length. Essentially, if Peter Jackson's King Kong were a horror film based on Lovecraft, that's what I'm trying to do with this script.

I realize that what makes horror so scary is the subtle nuances and how personal is usually is, but I believe it can be done. Whether or not I have found the right balance effectively with this draft remains to be seen.

*Note: My first draft was 175 pages. I got it down to 150, but I'd still like to cut 10 more pages. I just have no clue where to cut them.

Good enough for me - best of luck with this - I do think you have a nice style/vibe to your writing

Thanks a lot!

Hey Curtis....just started to read this.

It's great to see someone still looking at adapting the old Lovecraft works. I completely agree with your point about 'horror epics' - at the minute the horror genre is very dumbed down and this is the kind of thing that would lift it back up.

I know you mentioned that you weren't looking to market this just yet, have you ever considered of updating it and having it set in the modern day as opposed to the 30s? (although I get that it's a period piece).

I'm about 20 pages in - flows well so far. Character descriptions are a little light however - but some see that as a plus. I agree as well with the repetition of some verbs - however this can be eliminated in re-writes so I'm not overly concerned.

While I enjoyed the old cheesy films like 'Reanimator' and 'From Beyond' - Lovecraft's universe was genuinely scary and I would love to see a more serious film let the crowds of today realise this and do it some justice.

Anyway...I'll post more as I continue to read...

Thanks, goose. I had considered updating it to modern but ultimately decided to stay as true to the source material as possible. I think it makes it scarier, anyway.

I, too, have loved the cheesy Lovecraft films but wanted to make something serious and faithful. A "true" adaptation to his work.

Okay, yeah...so I finished this. Unfortunately, in my infinite wisdom, I didn't end up writing any notes - so this will be from memory.

First off...I enjoyed it. If it didn't quite make it as the 'epic horror' you propose, maybe a mini-series could even be put together from it? It's funny as the big page count almost didn't seem as if it was enough!

It's like there's three stories here with so much room for fleshing out. The voyage. The visit to the town. The visit to the island.

There's a lot of deep action paragraphs here - while description is key to painting the picture you've got, you have to look at what actually needs to be said and what doesn't. I love writing fight scenes myself, but I've read a lot of comments that you need to be a bit tighter on these.

I've not read anything by Lovecraft for a long, long time - so forgive me if I'm cutting in to too much of the original backstory. But there's an awful lot going on - lots of different monsters, cult figures and references to God. Sometimes it got a little hard to follow.

It also went from a kind of creepy 'trapped in a town full of evil cultists' to a kind of 'voyage to a lost world' story within what felt like very little time at all. It was a big contrast, and I can't tell whether I enjoyed it or not.

Other notes - Charlie's death seemed a little understated, considering how long he'd been in the story. As for John, really liked him - but swordsmanship seemed a little unrealistic. As if he could suddenly pick up a blade and be that good with it. I see why you killed him off for the heroic death, maybe you could swap his fate for that of Gustaf's? He didn't seem central enough to the story to really need to survive it, as we get no time to see his character progress (unlike, say, Henry and Frank).

I'm only about thirty pages in, but so far I like the style and flow of the writing.

I'm only vaguely familiar with Lovecraft's work, is there anything I should know or keep in mind while I'm throwing together my notes.

Sorry for the delays in response, guys. I got promoted at work and became super busy! Haven't had a chance to check on here.

Okay, as far as the pacing is concerned, I think you're right. It is a little rushed. As I said, it started as 175 pages before I cut out 25...most of that was character development and little moments that passed the time and fleshed out the pacing.

I did find it a struggle to balance the horror with the action set pieces, however, I do find that the action set pieces don't really occur until the last quarter of the script. Anyways, I'm still looking to cut MORE from the script, but if you feel the pacing is already hurt, I really don't know where or if I should.

The only thing you really need to know about Lovecraft is that his writing was weird. Haha. Especially for its time.

Also, a note on Charlie's death - I glossed over it intentionally. Their lives mean absolutely nothing to Cthulhu. Completely insignificant. It doesn't matter how much time we've spent with Charlie, he means nothing.

Gustaf survived mainly to keep it faithful to the original story.