Off The Beaten Path by Alan Power - Short - A young orphan believes her parents are alive and sets out to find them with the help of her magic notebook. 4 pages - pdf, format 8)

Alan,

This one reads more easily, but it suffers from some writing problems.  And I'm not sure about the story.  The girl has a magic notebook that gives answers to her questions and eventually leads her to the house of her birth mother.  But her mother is never seen, only Mrs. Manthers.  So back to the orphanage.  Not the most uplifting ending but what did she expect.

I think you can keep working on this one.  She seems extra lucky in finding keys, managing to get her birth certificate, and keeping a magic notebook that the other children would certainly steal if they could.  But that's my cynical nature showing.

Best
Richard

I like your concept, Alan. Cathy's interaction with the notebook is done very well. So much so that I wanted it to be more about this than Cathy's past.
I also liked that it's only suggested that it's magical. Cathy could've done the writing and drawing inside it herself and she imagines the notebook communicating this to her. One thing that isn't clear is how the notebook exactly does the communicating. Does it actually speak or do we read the text inside it?

Either way, plenty to like, and to work with for an update.


Sandro