Ben and Wife: The Package by Edrick Joel Magambo - Short, Sitcom - Disaster strikes when a hubby brings home a package that doesn't belong to his wife. 11 pages - pdf, format 8)

Edrick,

Comments can be pregnant, so to speak.

I think you have the skeleton of a funny story.  It's the execution that needs a bit of rewriting.  First, why not show mom in the bedroom with Ben?  The scene, for me, would be much funnier is she were there when he walks out of the shower.  Of course, after some clever recriminations, shows why he had promised to buy her heels and lingerie.  I think that you should describe the lingerie and heels exactly.  After all, it's for mom.  And have the drawer hit is foot.  Hopping around in a towel in front of his mother would be funny.

Danny is OK, but the lingerie shouldn't fit her.  I don't know about most women, but I'm guessing that if a husband came home with a bunch of lingerie and heels that don't fit, his wife wouldn't say oh goody.  I'm guessing she would think he's  having an affair, and if he claims it's for his mother...well, that's absurd.  You have the makings of a real conflict, but you don't go there.  

The last part is beyond strange.  A man hires a hit on his wife in order to get back some shoes and lingerie?  Sorry, I don't buy it.  Why not just buy some more for his mom?  A character who chooses the hard route over the simple one doesn't convince me.  If he's at all bright, he gives the stuff to Danny and gets some more for mom.  Success with both women.  Simple.

The dialogue needs a scrub, because it seems a bit long, but that's me.  

Best
Richard