Droids (a.k.a. On The Job) by Reed Murphy - Short, Comedy, Sci Fi - A short film about a hilarious day in the life of two robots, who are polar opposites of each other (re: Laurel & Hardy, Abbott & Costello) and stationed to work at an intergalactic junkyard facility in outer space. 9 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi Reed,

Opened this up and couldn't get past the formatting issues to read the actual story, so I'm guessing you are new to screenwriting?

A few pointers...
1) Read some screenplays, on here or elsewhere and familiarise yourself with the format of the scripts, no one will really take your script seriously in it's current format as it reads like prose.
2) Regarding 1) ... You may find it useful to look at some specific screenwriting software, FadeIn, Writer Duet, CeltX etc are all low/no cost.
3) Does your script title actually need an AKA?

I'd suggest you re-work this in the right format and re-submit it, I'll happily have a read at that point.

Anthony

Hi Reed,

Um, ok, I read the story. It can in no way be confused for a screenplay.

I am not sure what to make of this. You have some semblance formatting with a slugs and dialogue, but the rest is just a short story.  Production notes, camera angles and pans. It's like a mishmash of short story, a screenplay, a direction, a storyboard, and lord knows what else.

"X4-J9 (alarmed; subtitled)
STOP!! YOU�RE MAKING IT WORSE, BUCKET HEAD!!
(Or: STOP, BUCKET HEAD!! YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE!!)"

You can't have two options for a dialogue line, it is what it is.

Not sure if you are new to screenwriting, if so please take Anthony's advice as above. If you are trying to be original or avant garde in your approach to screenwriting well it will be for your own amusement because you will not ever have many screenplays read.

For the story itself, it's OK, not much to it. Having the old movie/TV series robots in the scrapheap would be funny but probably well outside the reach of a short film's budget for licencing fees.

Cheers  Chris

It was tough to get through with all of the camera angles and formatting issues.

Reed,

Some notes.

Others have commented on the formatting and style, and those don't meet current screenplay standards.  

For me, the story is ill-conceived.  While I can see automated salvage efforts, I can't see dumping on a planet.  Why not have a space-based salvage operation?  The advantages of zero gravity make handling large items virtually effortless.

And the story line is cliche.  Straightforward and not that funny.  And I see no reason why one robot would be equipped with speech and feelings.  Without interaction with sentient beings, there is no reason to have anything but low-level machine intelligence.

Best
Richard