Stuck In The Middle With You by Riley Tessneer  - Short, Comedy, Mockumentary - A family tries to figure each other out while also running their furniture store.  35 pages - pdf, format 8)

It seems that this is a sitcom pilot, so it should probably be in the series section, not the short section.

This looks like multi camera formatting, but it is a mockumentary, and those are single camera.

I wish Destiny had a longer monologue on page 2, as that seems appropriate there, but I do quickly enjoy the characters, especially Ridley.

On page 3, I don't know why there is a line through the word so. Also, I don't understand why Dustin is saying "Yeah." If it is like a "yeah..." to point out how stressed Julie is, make that clear. If it isn't, I would recommend cutting it.

On page 5, another crossed out word. Also, I think it would be better if Ashley just gave the camera a look instead of saying "rude".

End of act one, you've introduced a lot of characters, and set up one storyline. However, we haven't met Julie's husband yet, and we've only just met Julie. This is the trouble with a large number of characters, but I think you can fit more into the first act.

Another thing I think you need to do is introduce a second storyline. On page 16 everything gets resolved for Julie, and it doesn't seem like there is any more conflict, just people working and then hanging out for the rest of the act.

Basically, you have entertaining characters, but you need more story. Avoid unnecessary scenes, and with this many people needing to be introduced, I would avoid characters like Christine.

Thank you Hunter for your feedback!

Yeah. I had it set to sitcom formatting, but I totally forgot about it until it was too late :(

I shall look into that monologue and see what I can do!

Yeah... I was editing stuff out and I submitted the wrong document, but it's too late now. He's not really doing the "Yeah..." thing. He's more just concurring with what she's saying. Thank you for the suggestion!

Again, editing. I like that idea. I just wanted her to talk to the camera because every character has at that point.

I think you meant Judy? I put Julie down instead of Judy a few times by accident. Okay, I will see what I can do.

I see what you're saying. I'll get on that ASAP!

Thank you for the comment on the characters! I will work on the story! I knew I should have waited for Christine until the second episode.

I just wrote a script called Roommates, if you want to check that out!

Thank you Hunter!