Under the Influence by Anthony Hudson - Short, Horror - Waking with a hangover, a man must try to remember the previous night to help understand his current situation. 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

Hi Anthony,

I enjoyed this, but I can't get it!

What puzzles me is the two different cars. Well, I take it from the script that they are different. Dexter's car and Sports car, which then the Sports car actually had Dexter behind it. Perhaps it's meant to be the same car, however that would hint towards a much earlier reveal.

I take from the ending that this is a recurring loop that is going to continue for Dexter in the spirit world.

It probably just me, but it puzzles me too much.

Good descriptive writing and a compelling read.

Cheers  Chris

Anthony,

Very nice! 😀 I liked this one a lot.
A good story packed into just a few pages. You held my interest all the way till the end, which tied it up nicely.

Good job.

Cindy

Interesting, I liked this too.

Quoted from cbead Hi Anthony, I enjoyed this, but I can't get it! What puzzles me is the two different cars. Well, I take it from the script that they are different. Dexter's car and Sports car, which then the Sports car actually had Dexter behind it. Perhaps it's meant to be the same car, however that would hint towards a much earlier reveal.

Bingo, I didn't want it to be obvious it was the same car.

Cheers for the read and glad you liked it.

Quoted from CindyLKeller Anthony, Very nice! 😀 I liked this one a lot. A good story packed into just a few pages. You held my interest all the way till the end, which tied it up nicely. Good job. Cindy

Thanks, Cindy, glad you liked it.  I actually wrote this for some challenge but the rules escape me now lol.

Thanks also to you, Glynn.

Hey Anthony,

Nice, smooth writing here. Overall, I enjoyed it though I sort of predicted the ending once the tone of the film was revealed in the first page -- probably when the mysterious red stripe is mentioned across his legs. This is definitely my type of genre (Twilight Zone type metaphysical stories with baffling, ironic, full circle kind of endings where the bookends are practically the same scene).

However, I did like the build-up, the transformation. His body falling apart on him, kind of like "The Fly" in a way. I just don't quite understand why his body was falling apart. Perhaps the message is that his irresponsible drinking was catching up with him?

My thinking in figuring this out --

He wakes up -- "I'm never drinking again". Finds a mysterious red stripe. Then his body falls apart. He keeps trying to contact Carl to see what is happening to him.

He leaves -- but why? To find Carl? Retrace his footsteps?

Meanwhile, his OTHER SELF, stumbles drunk out of a bar, gets into his car.

Dexter pulls over, vomits. Gets hit by his drunken self. That's the last we see of the Dexter that began the story.

We are now falling drunk Dexter. Then --

He wakes up (again) -- "I'm never drinking again." And has the mysterious red stripes across his legs. But how does he have the red stripes across his legs? I'm guessing they cropped up just like the rest of the things that happen to him throughout the beginning (spitting out teeth, bloody nose, bruises, etc).

Is this an endless loop where this keeps happening over an over again? Like some kind of paradox or alternate reality?

If so, maybe he becomes more and more familiar, remembering more and more each time. I know you only repeat the waking up scene once but maybe, the second time, it's just a hair different. A hint of some familiarity with your character. But he stops himself -- "I'm never drinking ag--". Then quickly checks his legs and sees the red stripe.

-- Michael

Well written but a little hard to follow. The script would be especially difficult to film as well.

Kept my attention tough.

Thanks,

John Whetstone

Quoted from spesh2k Hey Anthony, Is this an endless loop where this keeps happening over an over again? Like some kind of paradox or alternate reality? If so, maybe he becomes more and more familiar, remembering more and more each time. I know you only repeat the waking up scene once but maybe, the second time, it's just a hair different. A hint of some familiarity with your character. But he stops himself -- "I'm never drinking ag--". Then quickly checks his legs and sees the red stripe. -- Michael

Thanks for the kind words, Michael and your suggestion is interesting, would make it a lot longer but a kind of Groundhog Day type scenario.  Good idea.

Quoted from AdamJohns Well written but a little hard to follow. The script would be especially difficult to film as well. Kept my attention tough. Thanks, John Whetstone

Thanks for the read, John

Funnily enough I've two people contact me about the script already lol

So is he a ghost? And he's reliving the day of his death over and over again? Not sure if that's it, but if so, I liked it and think it just needs a little clarifying to make it great.

I see this has been checked out by a couple producers already, and I imagine that's because they see some potential here, as I do too, good luck with it.

Cheers Dustin.  Fingers crossed it gets made but I know most times nothing comes of it.  I think pretty much half my scripts have been 'in the pipeline' at some point but only a few have ever been filmed.

Anthony,

Some notes.

I like this one as it seems to be a case of reliving the same thing over and over.  The clever part of this one is that Dex is both the driver and the victim.  His particular hell is to live out the day with all the injuries he caused building up inside him.  Good.

I’m not sure why he’s this is ground hog day for him, and I think that’s a flaw.  Dex doesn’t strike me as the kind who would have much of a conscience even if he did remember what he did.  But that’s me.

Best
Richard

Anthony,

I like what you were going for, and we've seen this type if story before but not with the kind of twist you give to it. It's an interesting premise really, and one I think needs more fleshing out. As is, I really didn't get how he was able to hit himself with the car and exactly what you were going for. It has irony to it, but perhaps a bit of clarity is needed. It maybe a story to the "alternate" Dexter. Perhaps understanding why he needed to go out that night and drive drunk. Don't know. But if you follow it up there are a lot of possibilities with this one.

Steve

Richard, Steve, and most others who have read this have pointed out why, and how, he hit himself and my honest answer is...I can't remember lol.  Like I said in a previous post this was written for a challenge and I'm pretty sure it was something like 'someone cause harm to another and they themselves suffer the same injuries and fate', or close to that.

Anyway, cheers for the reviews guys and I'm slightly hopeful this might get made (2 interested parties so far) but of course it could well not be...lol