Googleman by 0 - Short, Comedy - To cut down on budget costs of superhero movies, a studio creates a star with real life superhuman abilities. 6 pages - pdf, format 8)

Good idea but sadly executed as a V.O.-whore. I'd like to visualize a story, not see a character who tells me what's going on. Quite some lengthy dialog doesn't help either. I like the idea and I'm sure with some more effort and a few more pages this could become a short which would be fun to watch.

The logline got me interested, having NORTH WEST tell us the logline as V.O. on the first pages made me lose interest.

Interesting concept.  Decent writing.  Some funny lines and gags.

Too much V.O. and too little visuals bring this down to what I'll call a decent effort that could have been handled better.

LOL! AT LAST I AM LAUGHING!  Great concept and was handled well. Good stuff

8 laughs out of 10!

I enjoyed this one, the Michael Bay jokes were decent, I liked the storyboard one the most, writing is good and the V.O's didn't bother me as much as it did others.

This was great, laughed at Michael Bay and all his explosions.
The script flowed very easily and was a lot of fun to read.

Great job on entering

Good effort.  Some cleverly witty lines in there.

Like others I felt the VO was a turn off, but it is 6 pages and hard to develop the characters by action alone so forgivable for this challenge.  Dr Bing as the villain,  nice.

Up until the very end, I really enjoyed this one. A little bit of satire, it didn't really have to be Michael Bay, but he's somewhat spoofed so it wsn't too bad. I'll even excuse the timeline- as there could be new search engines by 2037. But in any case, right up until North kicking Bay in the nads, this piece was fairly amusing and might just get an early vote for me as being one of the better entries.

good job.

I'll go out on a limb and say the writer is not a Michael Bay fan, lmao.   I really liked the concept for this one, and it started out great.  But it seemed to lose its way once the Bay interview started.  Bay took over the story and Googleman disappeared.  Too much talking and not enough action.  I was hoping the ending would send the story soaring again, but it fizzled, IMO.  Solid effort, just needs some reworking.

It was funny.  It was kinda original.  I can (sadly) see something like this.  Anyone remember the movie "Death Becomes her." that used computers instead of actresses and only a few lent their voices?  It could happen...

The end was weak.  Too much Bay hate.  Sacrificed the funny in the story...

7/10

I enjoyed this. A 72 year old Michael Bay, Marvel creating a real superhero to save money, Googleman, Doctor Bing – there’s a lot of creativity gone into this and some genuine laughs. The ending felt rushed but I’m sure that’s simply due to the 6 page limit.

Great job!

-Mark

I liked the part where the reporter first met Gman and its sense of wonder. The story started on the reporter and ended with the reporter. Fine, but I would have liked to see what the story could have been if it had been about Gman instead Michael Bay's sack whack.

Lol, great hatchet job on Mr Bay...my only concern is that North West turns out to be the most sensible person in the piece, given his parentals that's a tough one to believe.

Anyway, some good laughs. It kinda gets lost a bit in all the Bay hating, but that's not necessarily such a bad thing! Nice job

I thought it,s missing an ending. Nice short otherwise, kept me curious till the very end. Great job.

First - just a killer premise. I think it could be a feature.

I had several laughs. There is some funny stuff here.

The ending was a bit rushed and unrewarding - a victim of six pages I suspect.

Really enjoyed the read - one of my favs

Writer,

Good writing, quick and easy read and over the top rendition of Hollywood was fun. Just not enough laughs in here for me. But it was a well thought out effort!

Steve

The idea is clever, and the writing is pretty good, but it doesn't quite bring the laughs. I think perhaps that's due to the tone being a little too matter-of-fact. It's strange, because at first, I found that to be really refreshing, given how silly some of the other scripts I've read have been, but by the end, I feel like it didn't deliver much. The final joke doesn't work either. Didn't seem to fit the type of humor you've set and maintained from the start.

Also, are we to believe this is THE North West all grown up, or did you just think the name is funny? I have to wonder, given the Yeezus reference.

Anyway, okay, I suppose, but unremarkable. Solid concept though.

Good idea and well written but I could see the punchline coming from a mile away.

Made me smile a few time and confirmed my hatred of Michael Bay!

Decent effort

Nice effort.

Like many could do with a tidy afterwards, in particular the ending could be reworked, but like the idea of a superhero being beholden and a company seeking to protect its investment

Thai bride line was funny.

Yeah, it's funny. Could work and look great on screen if someone takes a lot of money in hands.

Just curious about the whole trademark thing. Don't know what's legit in the satire-game…To me, such a spoof with a little social critique on companies should be allowed in any case.
Good job.

I really liked this one, particularly the joke about Michael Bay storyboarding with crayons. Overall I thought it was a fairly clever lampooning of Hollywood and blockbuster superhero movies. If there’s one thing I’d like it’s a little more focus on Googleman himself. I like the gag that he wants to be a real hero but he’d be in breach of contract. I think if you brought up that desire earlier you could play off it more and create a little character arc (or a character arc interrupted for legal reasons).

Too much exposition, but the first round of dialogue with Michael Bay was pretty funny.  After that it all went down hill and ended with a bad joke.

It feels like you rushed at the end and it didn't end as strong as it began.

Congrats.

Jordan

Excellent. Very clever, with some work this could be great. Not sure how Google and Bing would feel about it though. Bing sounds a lot like Ming. Ming the Merciless, Bing the Searchless?

Anyway, as I said, very clever and well written. A consider... only not a rec, because it needs a bit more, but for 7 days effort this is great. Nice job.

0,

This is very well written and pretty funny. Something I'd definitely have fun watching. It kind of reminds me of a South Park type story. A good thing for sure. Two things though; the ending is pretty weak. Maybe you were in a rush to finish up? And I would have liked to see Doctor Bing.

Good stuff though.

Glenn.

So I'm going to say something that will fly over almost everyone's heads here -- this reminded me of the old Dickie Goodman records from the 70's, where a reporter would ask someone a question and after the question you'd hear some little snippet of a popular song that somewhat (but not really) answered the question. I realize I'm a dinosaur for knowing about these records. Don't judge me.

But this script was a lot like those old records. Reporter asks a question and then you get a funny little snippet in response. Some of them were cute, some were funny, some fell flat.  I actually got more interested at the end when there was some action taking place and there's a dispute over whether Googleman can save the day. That part was actually clever to me.  Now that the contest is over, I would encourage you to go back to this and re-tool it, doing away maybe with the voice overs and focusing more on the build up to that ending.

I will say the writing was good and clean, but the story just didn't necessarily click with me.

Verdict: Pass, with reservations.

Gary

Quoted from Gary in Houston So I'm going to say something that will fly over almost everyone's heads here -- this reminded me of the old Dickie Goodman records from the 70's, where a reporter would ask someone a question and after the question you'd hear some little snippet of a popular song that somewhat (but not really) answered the question. I realize I'm a dinosaur for knowing about these records. Don't judge me. But this script was a lot like those old records. Reporter asks a question and then you get a funny little snippet in response. Some of them were cute, some were funny, some fell flat.  I actually got more interested at the end when there was some action taking place and there's a dispute over whether Googleman can save the day. That part was actually clever to me.  Now that the contest is over, I would encourage you to go back to this and re-tool it, doing away maybe with the voice overs and focusing more on the build up to that ending. I will say the writing was good and clean, but the story just didn't necessarily click with me. Verdict: Pass, with reservations. Gary

Oh, thanks for the memory.  I remember those back in the day.  Wasn't one about the Jaws shark?  It was really funny back in the day.  God, I'm old.....

Where's my rocking chair and when am I gonna be sent to the glue factory?  Or put in a corner where no one pays attention to me...  Not sure which is worse.

Seriously, for you "youngings"  go and check those out.  They were wickedly funny.  Half the fun was trying to figure out what songs were sampled.  You think they're on youtube?  I gotta check them out!!

Dan

Less talky talky more boom boom was funny. Otherwise ok but I think you could have capitalized on this more and had more superhero and still parodied MB

I wasn't going to read this, as I am beginning to think this Google thing might actually catch on. Me granny said, just the other day, hey you. Stop arsing about on the sofa. Yes, I'm talking to you.

She meant me! I was shocked. Usually she just brings me a boiled egg then starts moaning about the price of bread. Bless. Anyway, no boiled egg or bread today. Instead she says can I google how to change a bulb. At first I though she was taking the mick, in a big way. Nope.

Oh. I should be talking about the script. The giggleman thing.

Hmm. The writer of this doesn't write their scripts like I do. So they are obviously doing it all wrong and should cop themselves on. I mean really.

However, or but, whichever you prefer. I prefer the former. Or do I?

Er, where was I? Oh yes. The kitchen. The writer of this is obviously not bad. And that's a compliment in my kitchen.

Moving on. The writer has obviously done some research, which is always impressive. They've also actually bothered to come up with a structure. Now, there are some who make it up on the spot. What are they thinking? Probably quite a lot.

The riter also managed to get some realistic dialogue going. Never easy.

I should go into the negatives. But I really can't be bothered. As I can't see many and the plusses outweigh them. Plus, I have to go the shops and buy some eggs and bread. Fresh, obviously. Least I can do. Going now.

Where are my keys? Oh yes. I left them near the piana.

R