Sheeple by Dan Carrano - Short, Dark Comedy - In a world of sheep, man finds hope. 4 pages - pdf, format 8)

That was extravagant. Not really much to say, was weird, sort of funny and I have no idea what that ending was, haha.

Huh?

Does Wallace and Gromit make a cameo?

Hey guys. Thanks for reading. This is about a man who feels alone in the world. Trapped in the monotony of life. Although he doesn't get the girl in the end, he is still happy to see someone doing something different and he becomes enlightened (she leaves a mark on his face, his soul). Maybe, he will break away from this monotony and lead a more fulfilling life.

Kind of like this one - although I did not quite get the ending until you explained it.  After I read your premise - it made sense. Got to find a way to make that clearer I think.

I would come up with an age and a character name for your MAN. Seeing MAN over and over again becomes tedious.

Nice job

I had a good chuckle while reading this.  But yeah, I found the ending confusing until you explained it.  Unfortunately, if people don't understand it, they're never going to want to make it.  That's my humble opinion of course.  I you could make the ending a little clearer, I think it would work.

Thank you Dave and Nolan. When I read it out loud, I didn't like how it said "The man" over and over. I will definitely change that. I just thought, since no one says his name, that he didn't need one.

The criticism about the ending is excellent. I'll definitely like that it takes a few reads to completely understand it, but, you're both right, this isn't prose and it should be much more clear if I want some one to make it.

Thank you so much.

I liked this. The ending was a little "That's it?" but I'm not sure if I would've liked it all that much better if the dude got the girl in the end. There's something sort of satisfying about the journey and the knowledge gained in the end as opposed to some superficial, all-too-perfect reward in tangible form. Real life is often much more like this, to me anyway.

I might've liked to have seen more variation in the sheep concept beyond just "sheep doing people" things. Throw in a twist here and there that isn't so basic. That's nitpicking though. Not a bad effort.

Quoted from James McClung I might've liked to have seen more variation in the sheep concept beyond just "sheep doing people" things. Throw in a twist here and there that isn't so basic. That's nitpicking though. Not a bad effort.

Love this advice, James. Thanks a bunch.

Some notes

Reminds me of a Superbowl ad where the guy has to work with a gang of monkeys that mock him incessantly.  In this case, sheep.

Good job.  The ending is abrupt, but it does point to perhaps a better future.

Best
Richar