Brush Creek Charlie by Dewey Reynolds - Thriller - One woman races against time to stop a psychopath who fuels a murderous cycle which has an entire city on edge. 116 pages - pdf, format 8)

I know I sound like a dick saying this but "one woman".... seriously? That's what you call a compelling description of the script's main character?

I took a look at the script anyway and (again I sound like a real asshole) closed it right away. The first words in any screenplay should always be "FADE IN:".

It's obvious that the script is overwritten, your action paragraphs are way too long and read like a novel. And why do you always capitalize the characters?! That's only necessary when they are introduced for the FIRST TIME.

I'd recommend to read some of the countless articles on the net that deal with the formatting of a screenplay and how to write a compelling logline. It's really not THAT hard. Sure, you still need a good story and the ability to deliver it but if you don't get the basics right then you don't even have to worry about the rest...

Well, Ben is dead on here.

I too cringed at the beginning of the logline - "one woman".

The opening passages are so overwritten and even confusing because of it.  But I soldiered on and when I got to the dialogue, I wasn't sure if it was meant to be serious or a big old pisser.

Well, I stopped at the bottom of Page 2 and wanted to throw this little special nugget of dialogue out -

"My dick and balls got blown off in combat, bitch!"

What more can be said?

I had to read it just to read that line of dialogue. This reminds me of a spoof. If this was meant as a comedy, you've nailed it. Just pare down the action blocks... keep that wonderful dialogue.

It gets better after that. Sandy, apparently, is a lesbian, so of course can fight better than your average woman. Check out this lovely nugget:

Code CHARLIE runs away at a slow pace holding the side of his bleeding neck, while his colostomy bag still drips. CHARLIE (furiously) I'll see you again, bitch! War has no beginning, and war has no ending! I'll find you somewhere in Kansas City, Missouri. SANDY Yes, motherfucker, we'll meet again!

OMG!!!  That is truly amazing.

I may have to read more...

Quoted from BenL The first words in any screenplay should always be "FADE IN:".

I don't use it. Don't see a point to it. Plus visually, I would not start my movie dissolving from black.

Read thru page 10 and had to bail - too many problems.