The Turd Monster Strikes

Posted by: Don, July 20th, 2016, 5:20pm

The Turd Monster Strikes by Stuart Palace - Short, Comedy - A slimeball feels the wrath of the Turd Monster. 2 pages - pdf, format 8)

Posted by: Warren, July 20th, 2016, 7:14pm; Reply: 1

Written well enough but it ends there for me on this one.

Didn’t really enjoy this at all. Definitely not my kind of humour.

You forgot to FADE OUT.

Posted by: DustinBowcot (Guest), July 21st, 2016, 6:58am; Reply: 2

Written well, but just about a load of shit. I imagine that on film this would turn most stomachs and after watching would spend the rest of their lives wishing they hadn't.

Posted by: nawazm11, July 21st, 2016, 9:33am; Reply: 3

Oh, man, absolutely hideous and perfect, where's part two?

Posted by: MarkRenshaw, July 21st, 2016, 10:19am; Reply: 4

This isn't a pisser, it's a shitter!

Posted by: BenL (Guest), July 21st, 2016, 10:23am; Reply: 5

That's supposed to be comedy? Wow...

Posted by: SteveC, July 21st, 2016, 12:57pm; Reply: 6

What a shitty script! Derp!

Posted by: Reef Dreamer, July 21st, 2016, 3:50pm; Reply: 7

Excellent...two pages, wait, actually one. Even better, and if I may say, a decent challenge. Can you write a story in a page, that leaves an emotional impression?

This didn't.

Fat guy has a shit, is horrible and disdainful, but out of the blue a weird creature, we have never met or seen, or have a connection to, then appears to kill him. The end.

To me this needs the sense of irony. Beyond a creature out the toilet.

I'll give an example. On the wrapper could be a mystical creature. He looks. Thinks. Then wipes his ass on it.

The creature then arises.

All the best

Posted by: Wes, July 21st, 2016, 5:16pm; Reply: 8

Thanks for the images I never wanted.
Between "sellotape" and "tuts" I figure you're from the U.K.
Didn't get any more out of the thing than that. Well, and the images I didn't want.

Posted by: StuartP, July 24th, 2016, 8:35pm; Reply: 9

Thank you for reading and dropping off your thoughts, much appreciated :)

Posted by: Cameron (Guest), July 26th, 2016, 9:21am; Reply: 10

Not too bad considering it's all on one page, I'd have put a bit more description into the turd monster, but then again I laughed when I read "A GIANT TURD MONSTER bursts up from the toilet", extending this out might not actually have the same humorous impact.

Posted by: BSaunders, July 26th, 2016, 5:10pm; Reply: 11

This is fucking awesome. Thanks for the lols

Posted by: albinopenguin, July 27th, 2016, 7:48pm; Reply: 12

First off, one pagers are incredibly difficult. I would congrat you on writing a one page story but this isn't a story. I get what you were trying to do, but you could have pushed the envelope even further. I love poop jokes. But there were no jokes in this script.

A few spelling/formatting errors here and there. Other than that, it was fine from a technical standpoint.

All in all, give me more. This isn't original or funny in the least bit. And that's really hard to do considering this script centers around poop.

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