Print Topic

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Scripts  /  World of Paper
Posted by: Don, August 21st, 2016, 6:33pm
World of Paper by Alex Brauck (PrussianMosby) - Short - There are good jobs, there are bad jobs, and there's writing. 5 pages - pdf, format 8)
Posted by: Warren, August 21st, 2016, 8:21pm; Reply: 1
This wasn’t for me.

It was 5 pages that read like 15. I really hard slog. The whole script is very over written.

A few things,

How will we know it’s an IKEA table and does it even matter?

You say that it is a narrow slit but he can examine the moons shapes, shadows and craters. How narrow we talking here?

I like a good aside and unfilmable every once in a while but in my opinion there are way too many in this script, things like,

“Calm and patiently he watches it, as if it's a miracle – and it actually is here, because of how his glassy eyes focus the common natural satellite.”

Huh? And this,

“The moment soon vanishes since nothing lasts forever. Nevertheless, Writer's eyes attest a revival, as if an elemental force touched him, brought back some relativity to his ways.
It's one of the secrets of writers we witness. Psst.
All alone and so on... then there are definite answers to Why. This is one.”

Sounds nice but its not suited to screenwriting.

“Writer drinks alcohol like an animal”, how does an animal drink alcohol?

I think the series of shots is way too long.

“He intends to flip open his notebook to do shit”, for such descriptive, flowery writing, this seemed lazy and out of place.

I couldn’t get invested in this story in any way and I felt nothing for the writer.

Sorry but this missed the mark.



Posted by: PrussianMosby, August 22nd, 2016, 12:24pm; Reply: 2
"How will we know it’s an IKEA table and does it even matter?" It's cheap crap. And the world-wide placeholder for cheap crap furniture is IKEA. In a way it's a metaphor for small crappy artificial wood garbage table. I'm fine with small IKEA table.

"You say that it is a narrow slit but he can examine the moons shapes, shadows and craters. How narrow we talking here?" Obviously big enough to view the moon. It's a coincidence in some way that the moon stands in exact position and is visible, no doubt. A bold cliché of staring at the moon I put out.

The prosy way of explaining the last shot is a clear specific intervention of me and those who liked the script walked with it through the whole development process and understood the purpose 100%. I think the problem you had here was that you just didn't like the script, so you rejected its individual style. And it is pretty individual/different. But all the characteristics of the writing were deliberately chosen throughout. It's a hell of a slow script. I know that. The reader/viewer/filmmaker shall mirror the content; that flowery romanticized dragging writing process on screen is in every word on page. There are not many scripts one should write that way, but in a drama that borders to a melo there is that opportunity. It’s the other side of the spectrum, regarding the BOOOM, staccato action script writing, which has its purpose too, of course, velocity.

However, thanks for reading, Warren.
Posted by: RonH, August 22nd, 2016, 2:00pm; Reply: 3
Alex,

I liked this quite a bit. Your experimenting with form, didn't bother me at all. And your prose, although flowery in places, worked well for this piece. A writer, being literally overwhelmed by his work is something I can definitely relate to. The way you conveyed the fragmented nature of the process, through the accumulation of pages is visually striking. I would love to see the finished film.

Best
Posted by: SAC, August 23rd, 2016, 6:18am; Reply: 4
Alex,

I'm pretty sure I've read this before. This has a very artsy vibe to it, and not everyone's gonna get it, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. The way I see it is it's more a meditation on perhaps the inner mind of a writer. It so over done, and I can't say it's how every writer works. I would suspect a serial killer would act more like this writer does! But the message this delivers is pretty clear to me -- it's the journey a writer goes on, metaphorically, in the writing process, and how what one sees as trash doesn't really matter in the end. It's how you feel about your own work that matters, whether it brings you satisfaction or joy. This obviously came from a very personal place.

I was at a Film Festival in Brooklyn over the weekend, and believe me, something like this would've fit in well with some of what I was seeing. Only problem -- or nitpick -- is it's not traditional, meaning it doesn't have a linear story to latch onto. It's kinda out there, yes, but that's sort of its appeal. Good work!

Steve
Posted by: PrussianMosby, August 23rd, 2016, 11:53am; Reply: 5
Thanks Ron. It's hit and miss with this script. Definitely great to hear you and some others are convinced of the exact way it is. I think the title can help to find the definite target audience later.


Steve,yes, you read the first version of it two and a half years ago. I think you understood the conflict very well. Enough said :-). Thanks, man.
Posted by: RichardR, August 29th, 2016, 1:30pm; Reply: 6
Alex,

Sorry, not into this.  It's a study in self-absorption, and that's boring to me.  What does this writer do that makes him unique and worth following?  

best
Richard
Posted by: AlsoBen, August 31st, 2016, 7:52am; Reply: 7
Alex, I didn't mind this - at least as an experiment of form. You manage to make no dialogue flow a little better than it otherwise would.

I'm not really that interested in the struggles of a writer, even being one. It's a pretty cushy job if you ask me so it's hard to feel a lot of conflict (I understand that may not have been your intent). Is this intended to be a universal thing about writers - the "lonliness", the ennui, rejection? If not, why not give your character a name if he is not a placeholder for all? I won't go as far as RichardR and say it's self absorbed but it's definitely a bit...indulgent. Especially the "look of respect" shared by the mechanic and writer, as if the jobs are comparable.

Too many quick shots in that scene.

Overall, I guess it's interesting and well-written. The prose was good and you have a great eye for words. I guess my beef is conceptual (haha). Would be interesting to see how this could all be conveyed if filmed.


Posted by: PrussianMosby, August 31st, 2016, 1:25pm; Reply: 8
Thanks Richard and Ben for your feedback,

this script is done and if things don't explain themselves and you cannot connect, it is an honest, completely acceptable opinion and result.

At the core you both are right, it's a study about self-absorption and also a complete placeholder scenario (almost fictive - that's open to interpretation; a cliché taken to the top, bold and over-pictured). That said, it's a placeholder only of those writers who not think what they do is an "easy" job, and rather experience a hard daily fight. ((@Ben I definitely would compare them. Not technically, more from a human sight. They both do what they can do, which is to use their specific abilities. The Mechanic knows his neighbor. He doesn't fully understand him but he knows Writer pays the bills and that he does something alone behind the curtains what lets him pay the bills. Mechanic respects that and greets him when he shows up once in a while. And Writer respects that Mechanic works on cars. Even in this little image, there's heavy irony in case that Writer probably would most times prefer working outside with a better overview on a certain task -- but Mechanic, on the other side, might think he would like to sit in the Loft and write something instead of having his hands under the hood, full of oil. Though the truth is – each of them does what he can, and they know the other one does so too))

People are just divided here. Some seem to get every beat and meaning plus their given freedom to interpret wildly on top -- while others give a clear no for simple and clear reasons. I respect that. This script cannot work different. I just know that.
Posted by: albinopenguin, August 31st, 2016, 1:27pm; Reply: 9
So I decided to read this despite my initial hesitation after glancing at the pages. Make no mistakes, this 5 page script is incredibly intimidating at first glance. Why? Because it's nothing but prose. And scripts that contain little to no dialogue are typically over written. And this script is no different.

After reading your responses to criticism, I'm a little discouraged. I'm sure most, if not all, of the people who read this script "get" it. I certainly did. This might be a fine novella, but it's not a good screenplay. Every page of this  script could be condensed into two paragraphs. This isn't a hit or miss script. It's a miss from both a technical and story telling standpoint.

And if I'm saying this, what are potential filmmakers going to think? It's important to remember that we're only responsible for a portion of the finished product. Us writers must rely on others to produce our work.

Anyways, this script tells the reader what and how to feel. Instead, the reader should infer this on their own. Write the story, not the analysis.
Posted by: PrussianMosby, August 31st, 2016, 1:43pm; Reply: 10
@Albino. Thanks for the read

"Every page of this  script could be condensed into two paragraphs."

The writing indicates partly single twenty second shots the way it is. Writing those shots in standard format, f.i. the one with staring at the moon, is simply ridicolous. A big crater there, a shadow on the left moon surface, glassy eyes... come on.... The script is completely out of the box. There's a clear target audience that is upfront defined with the title alone. On screen is prose, so is on the page. Probably I wouldn't write any other script that way, here it has its purpose...
in case you don't believe that I've chosen this style deliberately, perhaps check out my WIP The Individual Wars if you like, it's straight written...
Posted by: khamanna, August 31st, 2016, 3:10pm; Reply: 11
Hey, Prussian.

For me it lacked story. And action I'd say. All of the writers movements and thinkings and looks - this is not really action for me.
When the publisher writes pass - this I consider action and I think if he stamped "pass" it would be more effective in this kind of setting.
Some of his thoughts you explain in prose - I don't see how it will be translated into film.
Well, I wish there was more.
I also wish it was more grotesque.
Like this one here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sON0He2mTC8

Both your short and the episode of Kids In The Hall gave me the same vibe. And I think if yours was more grotesque it would work better. Well, at least for me.
Posted by: PrussianMosby, August 31st, 2016, 3:40pm; Reply: 12
Thanks for reading, Kham.

I watched into the clip and can't see where the connection sits. My script is very sensible, in my own eyes, and has a fine line that easily can be crushed to pieces with regarding its content, both, presentation and/or story.

To defend it like a baby, ;-) ambiguous ;-), isn't my thing here. I truly accept if people see it different. It feels that I completed this one and since you know me, and you do to some degree, you also know that I've written many scripts in English so far. This is still my first script if you know what I mean.

That it's dragging and boring, static, slow, passive, is somehow the soul of this script. It speaks that language and shall touch at a different level. I even like it that it splits opinions, there's debate and "life in the house" as we'd say in Germany. If it's any good... ? ... there my writing personality would always say it's up to you.
Posted by: Warren, August 31st, 2016, 11:43pm; Reply: 13

Quoted Text
That it's dragging and boring, static, slow, passive


I've had my say already but I'm not sure it's a good thing, ever, to describe your script like this.
Posted by: LC, September 1st, 2016, 12:51am; Reply: 14
Alex, I think you could use better adjectives as Warren stated to describe the soul of your story.

Perhaps: Intense, contemplative, even tortured rumination in the day in the life of a writer.

You do well describing the Writer's agony, the chaos, the cleanup, and then the dogged resolve to begin all over again.

I think you missed an opportunity when Writer exits the building after his visit to the publisher. I really thought, while lighting his cigarette a wind gust was going to result in those manuscript papers going everywhere. That he would attempt to pick them up, and then throw his hands up in a 'to hell with it' gesture.

I'd also break the action/story up so that there is another visit to that same publisher/agent etc. Perhaps he gets a 'maybe' in the beginning etc., goes back a second time.

I think it breaks up the action(I enjoyed it the first time) akin to the writer finally getting some fresh air.

It gives your audience a change of scenery too, though a lot of tortured writer's repetitive groundhog day type routine could be speeded up on film too. Make sense?

Some word choices could be better, getting lost in translation i.e., ESL. You do really well considering. But I'd replace the word 'pisses' with 'urinates', or 'micturates' :) if you want to show off, but I'd stick with the more everyday 'takes a leak'.

I enjoyed a lot of this, the vibe, the ideas behind, but I think it needs something more. I'll keep thinking... Get back to you if I have any more to add.
Posted by: SimonM (Guest), September 1st, 2016, 2:18am; Reply: 15
I think this is a really good short story - excellent visuals, nice flow.

If you removed the sluglines and some of the shot descriptions and entered it into short story competitions and to magazines. I think it could do quite well.
Posted by: PrussianMosby, September 1st, 2016, 2:48am; Reply: 16
Thanks Libby for taking another look,

Believe it or not, I actually thought a lot about using the term "piss" or not during the drafts and progress. Honestly I did, which is almost grotesque in hindsight , thinking about a single word... I left it in because it's rougher and more direct than choosing the common, soft way. It shall contradict the flowery writing in an interesting way and emphasize the irrevelancy of that simple neccesity in the picture. I did equally in the last shot when saying that he flips open his lap top "to do shit"... I changed the artsy style to rough there, only to imply the irrelevance of the single action within the whole context.

I'd disagree with your idea of wind and flying script pages he tries to keep. Throwing the script in the bin is a clear decision of the writer. Somehow he expresses if it's not good enough to others, it's not good enough for himself. It's a quite causal and realistic decision and shows he's no dreamer, accepts the market. The romanticized writing process is completely turned upside down by this simple decision to trash it. Trash a months work. In a second.

I know you criticized the montage and I considered it but I see those shots actually flying by. The potential filmmaker could make it his own way and film the transformation to the WoP in her/his way. As it is, I see it as 20 things in 10 seconds, working and morphing the shit out of the apartment.

Coming to the adjectives, describing my script: Sure it's provocative to describe it as static and boring. You probably watch some art house and indie stuff yourself, so you might know how it's meant originally. I saw an Asian movie recently about an old woman helping a young chef to cook the best Asian wraps, (don't know exactly how they're called), damn slow piece. Some would say boring. They are not my audience. Deceleration of life may be a better description. Somehow what I do ;-)
Posted by: LC, September 1st, 2016, 3:12am; Reply: 17
Alex, did I read this before? I don't remember criticising the montage at all. I think it's fine and I absolutely endorse a writer's decision to stick with their decisions ultimately. Feedback is opinion only, and we both know how opinions can vary wildly, just read OWC reviews.

When I referred to 'speeding up on film' I'm actually saying a Director will put his or her interpretation on the script as a matter of style.

Just don't call your own script boring. Not good promo. Plenty of other far more intriguing descriptors to use.

It's good. I like it a lot in case you didn't get that. :) Good luck with it.
Posted by: PrussianMosby, September 1st, 2016, 3:32am; Reply: 18
Yeah, you did, in the old thread "The Established Depression" when I was reworking it with a dropbox link (a time when some things in the script derailed a bit - but I balanced it out here and made some changes). You definitely mentioned that the series of shots could be condensed what was good advice, so I actually cut some of it.

You also taught me that sheets is not equal to sheets of paper ;-) That was funny. I know that you like the script and overall concept, as you did with the previous version too. And it's great, means a lot to me.
Posted by: LC, September 1st, 2016, 4:29am; Reply: 19
I thought it was familiar.

All well and good then. And I'm glad I didn't contradict myself too much this time around.  :)
Posted by: PrussianMosby, September 1st, 2016, 5:25am; Reply: 20
Well, I just haven't expressed myself in that direction, regarding my response to your first post here, and I should have. Things then quickly look as if I didn't realize your whole sympathy for the script which was the most important feature of your review (to see what works) of course.  My fault. I also blame the internet for that. We humans need an update on online psychology.

With this script I get a wide spectrum of opinions from "go home boy" to full approval. I accept all of them; however, responding to those heavily differing opinions feels like keeping balance in a shaking kayak, so I partly lose the overview and tend to act irrationally ;-)
Posted by: LC, September 1st, 2016, 6:04am; Reply: 21
All good. Pretty funny,  your response actually.

I really enjoy some of your unique turns of phrase, Alex, And, I think this quality often eventuates from writers of non ESB. You end up with an entertaining and inventive line/s which we native speakers couldn't possibly come up with.

Carry on, as you are. :)
Posted by: albinopenguin, September 1st, 2016, 12:30pm; Reply: 22
Hey PM, I appreciate the response and I'd be happy to check out your other work. However, I would encourage you to pay more attention to those who are critiquing your script rather than praising it. In your response to me, you explained how this script is out of the box. And while that's fine for an established writer like QT, it's important to remember that you're trying to appeal to potential directors. Furthermore, overwriting is probably the worst way you could be "out of the box." You're not going to combat the accepted standards of formatting by writing lengthy prose. It's you versus hundreds and thousands of other scripts. And you're not going to win.

You can write a slow script without being boring. It just takes a ton of work and a lot of rewrites. And this one needs a rewrite.
Posted by: PrussianMosby, September 1st, 2016, 3:53pm; Reply: 23
Yeah, man, I hear your critique. And you probably won't be the last with your points. I was completely aware of some occurring standpoints concerning the choice of execution even before.  

In a sense it's a very distinct story yet, and a technically written shooting script, storyboard and shotlist may look different and control the picture from another angle eventually.

At some point it was clear to me that my approach is the only right vessel for the script and without it the script in fact does not exist; so I let loose.

We could debate all night long but in the end there's not least a bigger group in numbers, yet, which even partly, I must say to my surprise, specifically stated the writing conveys the plot well. They seem to feel that the uncommon execution belongs to the story and works as its gasoline and backbone (and it definitely makes me even happier that those I find belong to the very best drama writers of this board walk with it). It is what it is. When you done something, you walk with the audience. In the development process, there you may consider the other side.

Perhaps one day you are going to make a similar choice and use an uncommon form to deliver your screenplay or a certain characteristic of it. However, I do respect and accept any opinion.
Posted by: SimonM (Guest), September 2nd, 2016, 3:13pm; Reply: 24
I'll probably get my head bit off, but...

Alex, you may be interested in this -

"The Southampton Review" Literary Journal is currently open to submissions, until October 15th. Of particular relevance may be the following:

"Writers on Writing"

The only stipulation for this category as that the theme/plot/metaphor/etc. of the submission must be about writing. The process of writing, the feeling of writing, the characters or writing. It's broad and open to your interpretation.

This is not a contest, rather we've created a specific category for poetry, fiction, nonfiction/memoir/personal essay, plays, screenplays, cartoons, art, and photography, that has to do with some aspect of writing or being a writer.

There is a $3 reading fee.

Submissions are via Submittable - the link to their submissions guidelines page is http://thesouthamptonreview.com/submit/
Posted by: LC, September 2nd, 2016, 5:09pm; Reply: 25
Why would you get your head bitten off?

A nice thing to do.
Posted by: SteveDiablo, September 2nd, 2016, 10:50pm; Reply: 26
Just had a quick read.

If there is a reason to go into so much detail, show it. You are not showing anything, you are describing.

This is not so much a screenplay as it is an idea.

Best of luck.
Posted by: SimonM (Guest), September 3rd, 2016, 2:39am; Reply: 27

Quoted from LC
Why would you get your head bitten off?

A nice thing to do.


We have not exactly seen eye to eye on some things on this forum recently.
Posted by: LC, September 3rd, 2016, 2:51am; Reply: 28
Ah well, a nice thing to do considering that. :)
Posted by: DustinBowcot (Guest), September 3rd, 2016, 3:05am; Reply: 29

Quoted from SimonM
My current avatar icon is an original painting of the great Steve McQueen by the acclaimed artist known as ME!.


That looks like an excellent painting. I've always wanted to be arty and have the walls of my home covered in my own work. Whenever I try though it always ends up looking like a 3-year-old has had a go. Very frustrating. I know what I want - I can see it clear as day in my mind - but cannot produce it.

You've got talent. I hope it brings good things for you.
Posted by: SimonM (Guest), September 3rd, 2016, 5:14am; Reply: 30

Quoted from DustinBowcot


That looks like an excellent painting. I've always wanted to be arty and have the walls of my home covered in my own work. Whenever I try though it always ends up looking like a 3-year-old has had a go. Very frustrating. I know what I want - I can see it clear as day in my mind - but cannot produce it.

You've got talent. I hope it brings good things for you.


Thank you.
Posted by: PrussianMosby, September 3rd, 2016, 12:16pm; Reply: 31

Quoted from SimonM
I'll probably get my head bit off, but...

Alex, you may be interested in this -

"The Southampton Review" Literary Journal is currently open to submissions, until October 15th. Of particular relevance may be the following:

"Writers on Writing"

The only stipulation for this category as that the theme/plot/metaphor/etc. of the submission must be about writing. The process of writing, the feeling of writing, the characters or writing. It's broad and open to your interpretation.

This is not a contest, rather we've created a specific category for poetry, fiction, nonfiction/memoir/personal essay, plays, screenplays, cartoons, art, and photography, that has to do with some aspect of writing or being a writer.

There is a $3 reading fee.

Submissions are via Submittable - the link to their submissions guidelines page is http://thesouthamptonreview.com/submit/


Don't worry about me. Sometimes it gets a pulp and stuff move in an ugly direction. I wouldn't call myself the exact definition of innocence whenever I'm involved ;-) It's right, it wasn't all fine between us, although I'd prefer frankly speaking over any kind of perfect fake community.

In the end, here and now, you definitely showed some balls to selflessly provide me that information under those preconditions. That honors you. And the link was definitely fun to look into. I'd never have thought there's a definite interest in material dealing with the theme and I'm even exactly within the deadline. Actually I never wanted to pay a cent for anything concerning my projects but this kind of circumstances is worth it 100%.

Feels like a crazy coincidence to me at first, on the other side, I recognize I wouldn't ever have heard of it if you hadn't taken the time to post. Thank you
Posted by: SimonM (Guest), September 3rd, 2016, 12:18pm; Reply: 32

Quoted from PrussianMosby


Don't worry about me. Sometimes it gets a pulp and stuff move in an ugly direction. I wouldn't call myself the exact definition of innocence whenever I'm involved ;-) It's right, it wasn't all fine between us, although I'd prefer frankly speaking over any kind of perfect fake community.

In the end, here and now, you definitely showed some balls to send me that information under those preconditions. That honors you. And the link was definitely fun to look into. I'd never have thought there's a definite interest in material dealing with the theme and I'm even exactly within the deadline. Actually I never wanted to pay a cent for anything concerning my projects but this kind of circumstances is worth it 100%.

Feels like a crazy coincidence to me at first, on the other side, I recognize I wouldn't ever have heard of it if you hadn't taken the time to post. Thank you


Happy to be of help, one writer to another. Good luck with it.
Posted by: PrussianMosby, September 3rd, 2016, 3:20pm; Reply: 33
Thank you for the read as well, Steve D,

I answered a lot toward some "equal" opinion.

So since I stay home tonight I just wrote the extensive summary ;-) and it will be horrible.

In WoP the emotional pictures built are that slow and numerous that it only felt organic to me to write from another angle than showing the whole esthetic in single concepted images. In a sense, I left some stuff to your imagination when saying f.i. "everywhere a thing could be laid on, it lies - papers full of letters".  While some might think that is wrong and overwritten, the version of single flowing pictures I imagine here would make you scream.

Before that line, I showed the covered floor, the sofa and after it, I showed the desk.

Regarding the papers, I structured the loft in specific sections: ikea table at sofa, flooring, desk
And second, indirect described for sure: the whole other apartment.

The amount of paper lying in the loft is really huge. Huge like everywhere everywhere they lie. And I want nothing else than that. An immense WoP, a slow impression all over the screen. Only Writer in it.

To fulfill that, there were three options:

1- show every single item and furniture and what kind of sheet of paper is lying upon there since they are partly each and all in focus 100%. For sure there would be a way to flow from one paper to another index card, then a close on on a scribbling, of course hidden in a nice active sentence. Then the next picture. All technically correct...

2- write a single universal line like: Everywhere lie sheets of paper. Period. (I mean, why not, since it's the truth, right?) So, go on with the next part of the story…

3-my way. Mix the clear lines up with throwing some prose at you until you realize it is a hell of a World of Paper. Spray a vague, indirect, and definitely extensive imagination of it in, to eventually let you make it as extreme as you want. BUT BOLD AND POLARIZING at least.

My choice is not perfect because it has no flowing pictures as usual, I admit that. No 1 and 2 don't convince me story-wise. They don't carry the meaning. They don't build meaning, they are dead. Perhaps active written but dead in case of story. Too numerous pictures would kill it imo. You'd puke at me if I'd "show" you all the pictures I see myself in this scene. On the page it'd be no good story. Cold.

Story or writing? My choice was clear.


Somehow I wrote a coherent piece, so there are other shots, staring at the moon f.i., that are equally slow and intimate if it's the right word in English.

Again three opinions:

1- show a moon crater, his glassy eyes,  BACK to moon crater, glassy eyes, etc.
There may be a way…

2- write a universal line: He looks at the full moon.

3- my way: throw some prose at you that illustrates the cliché of a man staring at the moon, how majestically it looks. Him already looking in that direction for the whole time, what we notice later, also broadens the image and lets us build a connection to somebody who obviously has some relaxation and fascination for the full moon in that moment; and shares it with us. And because we are humans, we imo could possibly indeed feel with him and think "well the moon is great, that's a fine experience to be remembered of".

The problem in this image is that nothing happens other than him staring, but that's not nothing, it's rather all, calm you know, and the director may give us his version of making the moon great again, by a man, as described, indeed. Sure could I have worked with close ons, hidden in active lines and so on, like in point one. It just doesn't fit.


Not to forget, in some parts of the script I've broken it up with direct, quick pictures, as the whole montage is. He writes, reads and so on. There I go completely different to relax it. Even after the moon scene, he just takes a piss. And I can't remember having made that image any prosy.  

I recognize those decisions are highly attackable and I take it. As I said before, the script wouldn't exist in another version.

So, this was the extreme debate about the writing topic. I'm sure I can't convince those who reject the way of execution. The alternative wasn't given to me. To show those slow pictures in 100% screenplay format isn't working. And IMO those who didn't like it yet would have hated it even more, me writing beat, beat, beat and showing each picture. It does not work on the page because it burns the story.

For what: For fun

Thanks to all anyway and have a nice WE. It's great to get so many opinions.

Got a last word on the papers, toward those who think it's overwritten: Don't forget I left out the walls ;D 8)
Posted by: Cooper, February 16th, 2017, 8:57pm; Reply: 34
I was a bit confused by the ending but interesting take. I could see this playing with a "sad piano" soundtrack.

I'm going to email you some notes I scribbled as I read.
Print page generated: March 29th, 2024, 9:09am