Animus by Alexander Milo Bischof - Horror - Five Friends. One Weekend. One Dark Secret. 68 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi AMB,
Had to look up "Animus" but it definitely works for the title.

Kind of Creepy and Scary but I have a few comments.  I may be off here so no worries if you don't agree.  Very descriptive. You painted the manor well, inside and out; Great setting!

I think you were trying to set up the primary "manor" scene with the 1st four pages; But John's Hoover dance (Mrs. Doubtfire-ish) and the intro. of the shadowy figure?  Not sure you needed this scene.  I guess this was Tommy's ghost checking the place out?

I think I missed the importance of Emma's "pendant? Pg. 5 and then 52.

Lucia and Rich were sympathetic and they were the first to go.  I guess T's dark figure wouldn't forgive them but other than being on the climb, what did they do to T?

Emma and Charlie seemed romantically tight at the onset. Maybe too close to understand her change.  I wasn't sure if Emma was in on it from the beginning or did she make the move to "psychotic when"  T's Distant Voice spoke to her?

Also, not sure about the "signal jammer"  why?  

"Don't leave me here I don't want to die"  " I can't feel my leg" T to E
"You knew the storm was coming.  You abandoned him when he needed you.  E to Ch.

So major comment:
I think you were going for a surprise, shocking ending but I would have liked to have seen the mountain storm scene.  What actually happened?  Could have been very dramatic.  Good friends having to make an impossible decision.   You know, show it rather than tell it.  Too much OTN from Emma at the end.

All and all good stuff.  I read it twice.  Maybe a few tweaks.
R