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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Radio and Stage Plays  /  A Father's Love
Posted by: Don, November 9th, 2016, 10:47pm
A Father's Love by Bernard Mersier - Play - A father's love is a story about Tiffany Dryer. A teenager that's been raped by her father Michael, since she was a child. Her naive mother Vivian, is so wrapped up in Michael, she's unaware he's been raping their child. With her self-respect depleted, and Michael telling her she'll forever be a whore. Tiffany believes she'll never find love. 39 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: Nomad, November 10th, 2016, 10:39am; Reply: 1
Bernard,,

I made it to page 9 but the dialogue prevented me from continuing.

There's nothing natural about the way it sounds and it's just spewing exposition.

People rarely say exactly what they mean.

"Make sure you don’t give away daddy’s honey. Don’t even
think about telling your mother. As long as I stay
doing to her, what I do to you, she’ll never believe
you. Besides. Why would a father rape his own daughter?"

You might as well write:
"Hi, I'm Michael, and I'm a monster.  And I rape my daughter."

Additionally, why would having sex with the mother prevent the mother from suspecting the father of rape?  Is he that good at sex that the mother completely loses all sense of her surroundings and just blindly believes Michael?

Jordan
Posted by: Fausto, November 17th, 2016, 2:53pm; Reply: 2
Bernard,
a difficult script to digest...maybe, it needs a revision.
Work on it.
Best, Fausto
Posted by: Isiah, April 24th, 2018, 11:24am; Reply: 3
First page was hella cringe to me. I couldn't read it all.
Posted by: Gerlinde (Guest), May 6th, 2018, 2:43am; Reply: 4
I am not sure if it should be a play or a radio play. Anyway, it's not a script. I find the topic interesting, however, as far as I can judge with my lousy English, unnatural (as far as the dialogues are concerned), and far-fetched (regarding the plot) Did you research before? When I approach a "hot" topic, I thoroughly research before. That's what I did on my screenplay, "A Child of Shame," about children of German Wehrmacht soldiers in occupied France; or in my script "The Priest", which was about homosexuality among Catholic priests.
Talk to those affected, read books about it. Show the fears of mother and daughter, and the perpetrator, why he does that (his motivation)? Then it will be a round work that moves people. And no work that gets stuck in stereotypes.
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