The Addict And The Kid by Taylor Scott - Short, Drama - A drug addict kidnaps a dealer's kid. 11 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Some notes.

There are problems with this one.  It needs a good edit.  You must learn subject-verb agreement.  'The dealer sit' should be 'The dealer sits...'  There are multiple instances where subject and verb don't agree.

As far at the story goes there are also some problems.  If the Addict arrives to complete the deal and arrest the dealer, why aren't the other cops with him?  At the end, he arrives with backup, but not in the beginning.  It would seem that if he expected to close the deal, he would brought the others.

But this story isn't really about the the transaction, it's about the kid.  If so, make it about the kid.  Food, clothes, bath, video games, make it a great day for the kid.  

Best
Richard

T,
I enjoyed your SP.  Needs a little scrubbing. You know misspelling etc,  But it was a satisfying story.

You hid the other cops on the initial meeting with the Dealer to maintain the "surprise" ending, I guess, but you can work that out in a rewrite.  You had me fooled.     I'm easy.

Loved that the kid didn't speak until the end.  Maybe Names instead of Titles for the characters?  Could further tenderize a tender story.

Juicy!

JJ

Thank you both for the feedback.

Optioned!

Congrats!!!

Super!