Logline - Jacob's girlfriend is locked in the bedroom of his apartment and isn't responding. With the help of his friend Ammon, they get her out.


https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B_vHHlz3zmHYMm9sSk5TaFZmVFU


This has been filmed...with substantial dialogue changes throughout for whatever reason. I didn't shoot it before anyone asks.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ND-8ZETgTE&feature=youtu.be

Love Bites by Steven Wood - Short, Horror - Jacob's girlfriend is locked in the bedroom of his apartment and isn't responding. With the help of his friend Ammon, they get her out. - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

This has been filmed...with substantial dialogue changes throughout for whatever reason. I didn't shoot it before anyone asks.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ND-8ZETgTE&feature=youtu.be


Screenplay for comparison.


https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B_vHHlz3zmHYMm9sSk5TaFZmVFU

Congrats on this Steven

Thanks, I'm not too keen on the final product as so much of my dialogue was changed. I can understand locations, vehicles, etc being changed for something more practical, but when little pieces of dialogue or setups are changed for really no reason, I don't understand.

Quoted from Steven Thanks, I'm not too keen on the final product as so much of my dialogue was changed. I can understand locations, vehicles, etc being changed for something more practical, but when little pieces of dialogue or setups are changed for really no reason, I don't understand.

Guess it is the nature of the beast. For what it is worth, I thought the changes were poor - focusing on her paleness was (a) a bit weird - you'd call a doctor not a friend, and (b) was a poor attempt at an unnecessary foreshadowing.

Oh well, it is the price we pay turning our stuff over to others

Quoted from eldave1 Guess it is the nature of the beast. For what it is worth, I thought the changes were poor - focusing on her paleness was (a) a bit weird - you'd call a doctor not a friend, and (b) was a poor attempt at an unnecessary foreshadowing. Oh well, it is the price we pay turning our stuff over to others

This is true. I wrote this on a whim one afternoon and someone over at Reddit /r/producemyscript contacted me. So I went with it. I think my screenplay was decent enough, with some kind of-natural sounding exchanges between Jacob and Ammon...I think I've gotten better since then.


This was my fault, I think. I mentioned to the director that I had an idea of Sherri stating she was attacked (scratched and bit) by a homeless man on her walk home from wherever. She then went into the bathroom because she felt sick. In my experience, a girl would close not just the bathroom door, but bedroom door as well. So I think they took this idea and went with it instead.


I have one more project in pre-production, but the guys working on it are SAG, and the director is experienced with quality equipment, so I'm hoping for a better turn out. After that, no more turning over shorts to other people.