Captain Jimmy's Number by A.G. Dumas - Drama - An Academy Award-winning actor with a lifelong love of flying becomes a World War II bomber pilot and risks death in combat missions over enemy territory, and finds it hard to return to the make-believe of Hollywood after the war. 108 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Like the concept. The dialogue formatting is a little off. That doesn't bother me but the amount of parenthiticals did a bit. There's two guys having a hushed conversation at the start and a lot of reminders like (hushed out the side of his mouth) was distracting for me. And this particular piece of dialogue was on the nose/unnatural expostion -

BARRYMORE
(continues to whisper)
Too bad, poor boy. Even with
you being the war hero, Oscar winner
and Princeton grad to boot? Not to mention
that you’re becoming a Hollywood legend.

Still i think this is an interesting story and your writing is easy to visualize. The dialogue stuff i have mentioned was enough to put me off a full read though.