Straight Shooter by Richard Rivera - Short, Comedy, Western - An openly gay sheriff in the old west must endure a shocked town folk, a corrupt Mayor and a wealthy land baron intent on ridding himself of the newly elected sheriff. 11 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

An interesting theme for sure. To me, the ending was unrewarding. There are a ton of typos.

Quoted Text He ties the animal's reins to a hitching post. He enters slowly enters the saloon.

To many enters

Quoted Text He's steps up to the bar.

He - not He's

Quoted Text His eyes catch the attention of several men at a poker table - all of him try to cop a feel of one the WAITRESSES

all of him - or them?

Quoted Text POKER PLAYER#2 Listen Delroy, lets' keep playin', The cards are gettin' cold.

Should be:
Listen, Delroy. Lets' keep playin',
The cards are gettin' cold.

Quoted Text WAITRESS Wow. I ain't ever heard of... I mean I ain't met one...you sure you ain't the least big aroused by ny...

My - not ny

Quoted Text MAYOR BILLINGS (60) walks over to The Man.;

Should just end with a period.

Quoted Text THE MAN What is it you want

? needed

Quoted Text THE MAN Well it was either that or a hole where your left used to be.

Something is missing - left what?

Quoted Text FADE OUT: THE END He stops in front of the salon. He dismounts from his horse. He ties to a post and enters,

Shouldn't have anything after fade out.

Hi Richard,

This is entertaining but its ending falls flat. I like the banter between the man and the characters. I like the Man, he's cool and tough. You've portrayed him well. I liked the scene with the poker players getting what they deserve.

"An openly gay sheriff in the old west must endure a shocked town folk, a corrupt Mayor and a wealthy land baron intent on ridding himself of the newly elected sheriff."

Unfortunately your logline is way off.... we don't see any shocked town folk, the 2 people that do find out he's gay are okay with it. The corrupt mayor? not a huge indication he's corrupt, and who is the wealthy land baron intent on ridding himself of the Man?


It just needs a good ending, at the moment it's about a guy who comes to town, shows a bunch of assholes a thing or to, comes out to the waitress, gets noticed by the major, offered a job, offers the guy he has an attraction to a job, he takes it and thats it...

You've done a good job with the character, just need to build on the story.....

Keep at it!