Fairytale Pop Princess by Syril Hay Zimand - Comedy - A sexy parody version to disney's stories of snow white, cinderella, beauty and the beast and sleeping beauty how they change the story to what really happend. 61 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Syril,

I couldn't get into this at all because the English is so off. I can only imagine how difficult it is to have to write in another language.  If you post in English it has to be right. Even us predominantly English speaking writers have to get it right.

Do you have a version of this in your own language? if you do put it out there on sites from your country and see what reception it gets. if it's good then maybe get an proficient english writer to translate it for you and then put it on predominantly English speaking sites. As it is at the moment it's too hard to read...

The premise does have a lot of humor potential.

I got as far as the the opening voice over. It's very long and there is no action with it... what is going on while they are talking?

Yeah, I couldn't get into this either... it's not formatted properly, the English is off, and there are too many typos. Not trying to sound like an ass-hole, just being honest. If this script were given to a producer, he would have tossed it before getting past the first page. :/ There is potential to this though, I like the premise/idea. Just needs proof read/re-written is all.