The Evil Beneath by Rodriguez Fruitbat - Horror - After accidentally killing her sister and spending years in therapy, a woman returns home to face the terrifying evil presence that tormented her childhood. 101 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey there Fruitbat. Saw your name so I figured it might be worth reading. 10 pages so far...of course horror is not my thing but you make it interesting...so far.

Thanks cloroxmartini! I'd love to hear your thoughts, I hope it keeps your interest up.

I tried to keep this script as budget friendly as possible so it could be shot with a minimal crew at an existing location.

Read this one in the afternoon. Really liked your script Murderhorn so I was happy when I saw you wrote this one too.

One of my favourite genres, which is very underused is the Evil Dead influenced film. There isn't much. Dead Dudes in the House. Demon Wind. Cabin in the Woods (of course), so when I read about demons in an isolated area I was thrilled.

I love the backstory of Stacy, and her encounter with her sister/demon... or could it be her own sickness. Noticed you started with a dream in this one too, though it works better here than Murderhorn. The dream seems like it could be part of her sickness.

Once she gets to the school, though it's familiar, the friendship she develops with Rebecca is sweet. It's great that there are no "assholes" in this horror movie. Both Rebecca and Stacy seem like really great people and the dialogue is great. I really hoped nothing to awful would happen to them.

Once they get to the island, I like how the horror slowly creeps up before becoming a full tilt horror film. It's nice that Stacy finally comes out of her shell and overcomes her "demons". And the ending is very satisfying.

My only suggestion would be, once the audience knows for a fact that it is a demon and not Stacy's madness (or is it?), a little history on the actual demon might be nice. Or even why her family would choose to conjure it in the first place. Maybe hook up Stacy's supposed madness with her mother's. Also, what was the demon doing in the years before Stacy showed up again and whether it was Stacy that brought it back.

All in all, this would make a fun, thoughtful and gory low budget horror film that I would love to see. Best of luck with it!

Quoted from Cacutshaw My only suggestion would be, once the audience knows for a fact that it is a demon and not Stacy's madness (or is it?), a little history on the actual demon might be nice. Or even why her family would choose to conjure it in the first place. Maybe hook up Stacy's supposed madness with her mother's. Also, what was the demon doing in the years before Stacy showed up again and whether it was Stacy that brought it back.

I'm glad you liked it! yeah, this is one area I discussed a lot with the co-story creator (who wanted a movie that he could direct in a specific style). I had had the same inclination to add a lot of back story to the demon. A one point, I had a full outline for a more mystery-based approach, much more in the typical supernatural horror vein where the characters have to solve the clues to end the possession/haunting. While I agree with you on wanting more backstory, I think this approach forced me to focus much more on the characters and their relationship, then on the demon. In the end I don't know which would have been better, but I like how it turned out.

I'm in the middle of reading this and I actually enjoy it quite a bit. Right now I'm on page 50. So far, everything is good. Format is good, haven't noticed any spelling errors, and the dialogue is pretty sharp/realistic. The only downside for me is that as of right now, there's not a whole lot going in terms of suspense/horror, but I'll keep reading and let you know as I continue my thoughts. :)

I don't know if the writer is still active as I haven't heard anything from him since my last reply, but I did actually end up finishing this. Overall, it was pretty good! The formatting was correct, didn't really notice any major grammar errors or anything like that , so good job with that. My only real complaints is that it took a little long to get going, but once it did, it seemed to run rather smooth. Also, the ending was predictable and I agree about what the other person said about explaining the demon's background. It would be interesting to know/learn about. I did, personally like your other script Murderhorn more, but don't get me wrong, this was pretty good too! I look forward to reading more of your stuff, you're pretty talented.

Thanks Tyler!

I think you're right about the beginning. At 101 pages there is room to cut. I'll have to talk to the co-story creator about going into more detail about the demon. My first instinct was to try a whole bunch of different origins, with lots of discovery, but in the end we just ended up going very simple on the the demon itself and focussing more on the girls. I would love to add some of that backstory back in.

This was an early script and Mirderhorn is my most recent, so it's good to see you've noticed some growth in my writing. Still working on it!

No problem man, keep it up. You have good work. :)