Shades of Reality by Fausto Lucignani - Short, Drama - A B-movie, middle-aged woman relives the reality of her sad life in her acting. 4 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Fausto,

I liked this one.  I read before reviewing logline.   Her acting, hence, your writing was convincing.  Maybe, a less informative  logline.  I enjoyed not realizing she was an actress until the end.  Thought she was addressing an imaginary ex-lover.  I'm sure actors pull from past experiences so nicely done.


JJ

Fausto,

Really felt the desperation of Andrea, especially when she received the phone call. To me, that was better than the end reveal because it spoke volumes about who Andrea had become in her later years. Good job.

Steve

JJ & SC,
I'm glad you liked the script. I deeply appreciate your comments. Yes, actors are influenced by their life experiences (of course to a certain extent). She was, in fact, reliving her life.
Happy writing.
Best,
Fausto

Some notes.

There are some writing errors, but a good edit can fix that.  About the story.

You do a good job of setting up a straw man for the woman to rail at.  Fine.  It's when she goes for the knife that things begin to unravel for me.  I don't know many guys who would hang around when a woman goes for a knife.  Fight or flight.  Perhaps a manikin in a chair would help.  Tied up preferably.  

The phone call breaks the tension as we learn this is just a script she's learning.  OK.  I don't get why the producer or director would ask about 'him'.  That seems to me just a way to get to the last line.  You might consider a reason for the producer to ask.  Perhaps hinting at a past problem.  But that's me.

Best
Richard

RR,
thank you for your suggestions. The difficulty was to connect her real life story with the rehearsal of her movie part. Maybe, I should let the director explain better why he knew about "him"...I'll work on it. I'll correct the writing errors.
My best,
Fausto