Pork Belly by Rhys Hicks - Short, Horror, Psychological Horror - A grieving son prepares his late father's favourite meal with a side of revenge. 5 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Rhys,

This worked for me to an extent.  The whole ‘cannibalism’ idea was pretty much telegraphed from the outset, but the cutting between the balcony and the kitchen preparation added a touch of the macabre.  

The issue for me comes with the payoff.  Evan blames Claire’s mother for the death of his father - fair enough there’s motive for revenge.  But what did Claire do to Evan?  Where’s the satisfaction in feeding step-mom to her innocent teenage daughter?  The shock horror value is there - it’s grisly and could be pretty effective on screen as Claire gets stuck into the ‘pork belly’.  I wonder if the whole payoff could be that much more effective if Claire were somehow complicit in dad’s death/mom’s scheming?  I’d consider making her merit this vengeance, without it it plays as cruel for the sake of it.  What if it were step-mom doing the eating?

All the best,

Steve  

God dammit.