Hello.

I would like to introduce this topic because I constantly find that people like and dislike different styles of prose in screenplays. However, these criticisms are often merited only by the opinions of the reader and really aren't supported very objectively. Very often, I see reviews or comments here that pretty much boil down to "I don't like how the prose is written. Rawr."

Example: staccato prose sucks. Says who? Says grammar? Since when do screenplays actually follow grammar to the letter? Name a single screenplay--hell, name one single NOVEL that does not use at least one fully intentional sentence fragment, orphan, etc. (run-ons, of course, are a different thing entirely and very often erroneous by nature, but I won't get into that)

Here's an excerpt from a draft of 28 Weeks Later:

Quoted Text EXT. KENT COAST - DAY A DOG Gnawing on a severed leg. Suddenly, it stops eating, looks around, whimpers -- and runs off.

And here's an excerpt from Alien:

Quoted Text INT. ENGINE CUBICLE Circular, jammed with instruments. All of them idle. Console chairs for two. Empty.

Granted, Hill's crammed-together style is very unique to him and he's already an established veteran, but look at the actual words. His style isn't that different from my first example.

Compare this to Whiplash:

Quoted Text INT. NASSAU BAND REHEARSAL STUDIO - GEHRING HALL - NIGHT A cavernous space. Sound-proofed walls. And in the center, a DRUM SET. Seated at it, in a sweat-marked white T, eyes zeroed on his single-stroke roll, is ANDREW NEIMAN. He�s 19, slight, honors-student-skinny -- except for his arms, which have been built from years and years of drumming. Suddenly -- a MAN enters the practice room. Stopping, rising--

This is a bit more descriptive (not to mention the "years of drumming" bit which tells and doesn't show, but again, different conversation). Even here, fragments still abound and are used, for the most part, to good effect.

The question I'm trying to ask (and the consensus I'm trying to reach) is:

OBJECTIVELY (and specifically relating to screenwriting), what is the correct/best way to write action/scene descriptions outside of:

• Present tense
  
• Active voice (something else people get far too anal about IMO, though I agree that it affects prose negatively when overused)
  
• 3-4 lines per paragraph (I've seen this "rule" broken too; unless the writer is Chekhov-worthy, though, it's tiresome)
  

For this particular thread, I'm looking for ESTABLISHED RULES that are traceable to a reliable and experienced source, not personal pet peeves, biases, grammar-Nazism, or subjective opinions.

My understanding on this topic is:

• Fragments are OK as long as the writer has clear mastery of the language and uses them creatively, not by error.
  
• Screenplays should be very quick reads; the denser they are, the more likely readers will pass on them. And so...
  
• ... generally, paragraphs should be 1-4 lines and no longer than that.
  
• Paragraphs should be in the present tense.
  
• Passive voice is generally frowned upon but isn't always incorrect depending on context.
  
• A page should roughly represent a minute of run-time.
  

Agree? Disagree? Why? Comments are welcome.

Quoted Text My understanding on this topic is: Fragments are OK as long as the writer has clear mastery of the language and uses them creatively, not by error. Screenplays should be very quick reads; the denser they are, the more likely readers will pass on them. And so... ... generally, paragraphs should be 1-4 lines and no longer than that. Paragraphs should be in the present tense. Passive voice is generally frowned upon but isn't always incorrect depending on context. A page should roughly represent a minute or run-time.

I generally agree.

But the bottom line is does your descriptive style engage the reader and turn the pages. I would add two other objectives of good description in my opinion are Pace and Tone.

PACE

For example, staccato can serve very effectively to establish pace. So I do not mind it. It puts one mind in gear for rapid fire action. Conversely. I find it annoying when as a reader I want to take some time to digest the scene. And sometimes I want stuff separated just to convey and element of time. e.g.,

Dave watches a horror story on his computer.  A GUN SHOT rings out. Dave slumps in his chair. Nothing but silence.

I'd rather read as:

Dave watches a horror story on his computer.  A GUN SHOT rings out. Dave slumps in his chair.

Silence.

In the second version, I feel I there for more then a second that it takes to read the word silence because it stands by its own.

TONE

This is where asides are what other devices one chooses to you are just fine if the enhance the tone of the scene. As an example,

Dave walks through a seedy bar

kind of blase tone wise

Dave walks through the bar fully expecting to see strippers and pimps.

To me does a better job of setting the tone.

Good writing to me is like the Supreme Court's opinion on what is pornography - "I don't know exactly how to define it, but I know it when I see it."

A DOG

(This establishes the focal point of the shot)

Gnawing on a severed leg.

(perfect. Rules people who think "no ing words will tell you that "gnaws on a bone" is somehow better and even necessary. Which is absurd. If not for the torturous interpretation of a "rule", no one would write it as "gnaws". Gnawing is a repetitive action, like sweating, smoking, running, standing. We look quick, see the dog is in a state of gnawing a bone. That's the perfect tense. People that have been taught some rules version of screenwriting get used to reading things in language that is unnatural and less effective.

Suddenly, it stops eating, looks around, whimpers -- and runs off.

(And here are your action verbs: looks, whimpers, runs)

The Alien one is excellent too. Directs the shot efficiently without directing the shot. Great example!

You have an open mind, Reaper, and that's what all screenwriters need.

I also agree with Dave's fine points. One shouldn't go too far with staccato. I think staccato works best when the action is heating up. I use a kind of staccato in prose too when the action is heating up. Not so much fragments as shorter sentences, short paragraphs, occasionally a fragment,

Quoted from ReaperCreeper My understanding on this topic is: Fragments are OK as long as the writer has clear mastery of the language and uses them creatively, not by error. Screenplays should be very quick reads; the denser they are, the more likely readers will pass on them. And so... ... generally, paragraphs should be 1-4 lines and no longer than that. Paragraphs should be in the present tense. Passive voice is generally frowned upon but isn't always incorrect depending on context. A page should roughly represent a minute or run-time. Agree? Disagree? Why? Comments are welcome.

I Agree!!  Your six points are how I write/want to write nowadays.

Especially the Whiplash example perfectly hammers clear pictures "forward". Short.

It's what I wanna do, so I'm happy to have no lengthy answer/comment here than I usually got.

@ only the last point is discussable to me, within some genres at least. In an Action script f.i., when shit explodes, one page easily can be four or something

2nd@: indeed a lot comes to genre. Melo-Drama should be written out f.i. but what do I know :-)

Best