Imagination, Smagination by Nolan Bryand - Short, Comedy, Sci Fi - Little boys have crazy imaginations... or do they? 6 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Nolan,

Short, sweet, and effective. I liked it for what it was. Not really my thing but I think you did a great job.

Not much else to say here, be nice if you turned off those pesky (CONT'D's) but thats a personal preference thing.

Good luck with it.

Nolan,

Felt like I’d seen this set-up a few too many times so I didn’t go in with high expectations.  But you took it in a direction I didn’t expect.  There’s echoes of Monster’s Inc., with the nod to a scare hierarchy, but I like how you paid this off with the monster under the bed.  I wondered how you’d wrap up an idea like this and i didn’t see that coming so it worked for me.  

I liked it.  That’s all I’ve got.

Steve

Cute - quirky. I liked it.

Warren, Steve, and Dave,

Thank you for the comments.  Glad you all liked it!

Nolan

A fun read - I liked it. Feels like a really good sketch.

Nolan,

Not much to complain about here. Loved the snappy dialogue of Closet Monster, especially when he called Mason a dick. Cool ending. Should be easy to film - I hope this one gets made and done right! Good luck!

Steve

Khamanna and Steve,

Thanks for the read and comment.  Glad you liked it!

Nolan

Hey Nolan,

Had a smile on my face throughout, and got a laugh out loud for the "talk about ugly? Woof" bit. As others have said, it's right up the Monsters INC street, but that's not a bad street to be on, nice little injection of off beat comedy to push it far enough away from that territory to avoid any real issues.

A few tiny niggles:
I know it's a pair of boxer shorts, but is it a "pair of underwear"? Maybe change to wearing only his underwear, or boxers, or something else, just read a bit odd.

Quite a lot of "buddy" and "daddy" finishes to the dialogue. Once the characters are established, maybe trim this back a bit.

On P4 "How’s this for not real for you, punk" - The double "for" scanned a bit oddly, maybe rephrase.

Anyway, they're some tiny niggles, but there's an awful lot to like here, was good fun.

Well done,

Cam

Hey Cam,

Thanks for the read and comment!

I've always referred to them as a pair of underwear.  Maybe that's common in Canada.  Or maybe it's just me :P

I had actually gone over that specific line a few times, because it didn't seem right.  The more I thought about it, the more I thought it would be reasonable for someone to say that in real life if they were flustered.  

Good point on the buddy and daddy.  I'll take a look at that.

Thanks again, glad you liked it!

Nolan