Fifty Years by Manolis Froudarakis - Short, Horror, Sci Fi, Micro - After committing a heinous crime, a teenager escapes the death penalty – well, sort of.

production: Micro-short. Can be produced as a 15-second horror film. - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Manolis,

Yeah it's really short and would be super easy and cheap to produce but have I missed something? I'm unsure what the horror element is and are you calling it a sci fi because it's set in the future?

Not a whole lot here. Can't say there was much to enjoy, you can't really build too much of anything in such a short piece.

All I can suggest is adding to it but that's probably not what you want to do.

Good luck with it.

Thanks for the read, Warren. I guess the whole thing (the logline included) isn't clear enough.

EXPLANATION - SPOILER

This is supposed to be a time in the future where certain crimes are punished with some sort of "speedy aging" – hence the sci-fi element. So this young murderer was transformed into an old man on the specific day his sentence (50 years) was carried out.

Fascinating premise.

Quoted Text MAN (V.O.) Nooooo!

Didn't do much for me.

I would add more here. I really think the idea is a killer one. If I understand it, in this case the dude is instantly age 50 years. e.g., he's 20 and then bam - he's 70. While that is fascinating, I would find more interesting how the 20 year old interacts as a 70 year old in his existing world.

Really an interesting idea you have here.

I see that now with the continuous, but the viewer wouldn't see that. Somehow you need to visualize that on the screen.

Quoted from eldave1 Fascinating premise. Didn't do much for me. I would add more here. I really think the idea is a killer one. If I understand it, in this case the dude is instantly age 50 years. e.g., he's 20 and then bam - he's 70. While that is fascinating, I would find more interesting how the 20 year old interacts as a 70 year old in his existing world. Really an interesting idea you have here.

Thanks, Dave, glad you liked the idea. My initial intention was to execute it as a family drama, but then I came across a micro-short horror film contest and thought to give it a shot. It does deserve a better execution, though – perhaps even a story with the potential to be turned into a feature. Thanks, again!

Quoted from Warren I see that now with the continuous, but the viewer wouldn't see that. Somehow you need to visualize that on the screen.

I guess 15 seconds are just not enough in this case and an interesting premise is wasted. I’ll try to think of something different – thanks for your input again.

Quoted from Athenian I guess 15 seconds are just not enough in this case and an interesting premise is wasted. I’ll try to think of something different – thanks for your input again.

My pleasure - I do think the premise could carry a feature

I agree with the guys above,  the idea is very rich and quite interesting. The fact that they literally age them the amount of years they have to serve is terrifying.

There's gotta be a better way to portray that though, maybe it's just too short. I believe this idea is definitely good enough to expand, you should totally give it a try!!

Luis

Thanks, Luis. I also like the idea and believe something bigger (like a feature-length sci-fi thriller or drama) would be possible. I need to do some brainstorming, though - a good idea is one thing and a solid concept for a movie another. ;)

Thanks for the read and the comment!

Manolis

Interesting concept, and it's appropriate.  He loses 50 years, just as if he were locked up for that time.  You might wish to take it further.  But it's good.

Best
Richard

Thanks, Richard! I'll try to develop the idea into something more.

Best,
Manolis