Wrong Number by Christopher Pope - Short, Dark Comedy - A man calls his maid to do him a favor. Later, he learns that he makes a terrible mistake. 4 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Christopher,

Staight away there are two unfilmables:  

Quoted Text on the way home from his brutally long day at work. Knowing he’s going to be late

A script is meant to be visual. How would we know he has had a brutally long day, and how whould we know that he knows he is going to be late? You need to find a way to show us these things not tell us.

No need to number the scenes.

It's a good story, problem is, it's been done almost exactly on this site and produced. Go to the produced films link and watch Pro Kopf. I think you'll see the many similarities.

Good luck with it.

In addition to Warren's comments:

Hard to find the reasonable basis for the maid to shoot two people. This:

Quoted Text GARRETT Good...it’s a damn shame really. Now I want you to open the window, and throw both of the bodies out into the swimming pool.

Makes no sense other than the set-up for the twist. A maid is going to pick up two bodies and throw them in the pool. I would use something more realistic - e.g, okay, lock the house and wait by the pool.