My Friend Johnnie Walker by Paul Howard Surridge - Short, Drama, Monologue - John Beasley-Brown is a well educated, middle aged man; a ‘character’. He’s an alcoholic and a regular user of the park bench. In fact he considers it home.  He’s had a colourful past life and spends most of his waking hours telling his story to anyone willing to listen. His mood swings across the spectrum of emotions. For most of the time the dialogue is punctuated with him drinking from a bottle of whisky concealed in a paper bag. In the main John is a sensitive, intelligent and articulate man but alcohol creates rapid mood swings. On the grass next to the bench are his worldly possessions: an old bike, a sleeping bag, a few blankets, a fold up canvass chair and a fedora which he puts on and takes off on a regular basis. He’s shabbily dressed. When he takes his shoes off his socks reveal more holes than material.  8 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hello!

The logline reads more like a summary of the entire script rather than a longline. I also took a look at the script and the formatting is highly confusing to me. I don't know if it follows some other formatting rules, but it's definitely not a screenplay. I would definitely work on polishing this up, I don't think It'll get many reads here. But from the summary, I can draw that this could be a nice character study.

Best of Luck!
Luis

Not in the  format of a script - don't get it

It's a dramatic monologue.... suited more for the stage, although I suppose it could be filmed in its present state. I haven't read it, but I could watch it. From the parts I have read it seems melodramatic, but then, things can do that when looked at out of context.

Not really my thing, but looks like something I would have written in my youth. Eff it, I'm going to read it before commenting further.


You miss out a lot of commas which is annoying to read. Probably won't put off a producer or director though.

Straight away I'm put into a fantasy, a parody of a real homeless person. That's bad. I think monologues are best based in fact. Maybe it's because I'm from a major city, but I've never seen a homeless person like that. It's not something I'd like to look at any further. It's the monologue of a badly drawn tramp. Perhaps that would be a better title.

The format of the piece is really off putting.