A Very Haunted House by Luis Garza - Short, Horror, Comedy - A mockumentary which follows a typical haunted family who live in a typical haunted house.  9 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Great. I liked this a lot. It deserves to get made and will definitely get a few chuckles. Nothing new here, but it's a good example of the genre.

Thank you so much for the read Dustin! I'm glad you liked it.

Hi Luis,

SPOILERS - Sort of

Quoted Text KATE You know, I don’t scare easily. I’ve watched the first two seasons of ‘Are you Afraid of the Dark?’ with my kids. I own both ‘Ghostbusters’ movies on Blu-ray. I even went on the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train at Disney World... Twice.

Quoted Text Billy begins pounding his head on the fridge.

Quoted Text An oblivious Patrick sits on the kitchen bar, headphones blasting music, newspaper opened in front of him. Sharon gets dragged violently towards the hallway by an invisible force. SHARON (screaming) Dad!! DAD!! HELP ME! Patrick bobs his head to the tune of his song.

Quoted Text The sound of children laughing turned into finding Billy hanging from the basketball hoop with a penis drawn on his forehead.

Quoted Text Billy sits innocently on the couch, his legs dangling off, the words “ANTICHRIST” written on his forehead.

Quoted Text KATE Yesterday, Billy used my lipstick to write a message on the mirror. He wrote “lick”. But he spelled it like: L-L-I-K. At first I thought he wanted to lick something and he just didn’t know how to spell it. But then it turns out he was just spelling “Kill” backwards. (pause) So there’s that.

The whole exchange about what happened in the house.

All the above mentioned quotes and point were laugh out loud funny, really great job on this one. That's how you do comedy.

Unfortunate that it got released during a challenge, really deserves a few more reads. I recommend you do a shameless bump if it gets lost on the boards when the challenge is over.

Would love to see this made.

All the best.

Read it because of the positive reviews.

Very funny. Reminded me of Modern Family.

Well done m8

Thank you Warren for the read, I appreciate it a lot! Normally, I just upload my scripts and hope for the best so how do you recommend I do a "shameless bump" lol.

Again thank you for the read, I'm glad you liked it!

Thanks BSaunders for the read! And Modern Family is definitely one of my favorites!

Once the challenge is over and the Quickie Scripts aren’t dominating the boards, just repost on your thread asking for more reads. This will shoot your thread back to the top of the pile.

People will obviously like it if you offer return reads, but that's up to you.

I'm probably going to be in the minority with this one after reading all the comments, but I actually didn't think it was all THAT funny...a few of the jokes felt way too forced, and other jokes were rehashed, nothing I haven't already seen in all the "Scary Movie" and "A Haunted House" parodies.

Don't get me wrong though, I still laughed here and there. Comedy is pretty damn tough to write and a lot of people on here can't pull it off - but you're pretty good at it. Keep it up man.

I would love to see this get filmed though... in my opinion, comedy is a lot harder to read than it is to visualize, as some of the jokes are much funnier when you see them play out.

All the best.

Thank you. All reviews are appreciated. Thanks a lot for the read. I actually thought "A Haunted House" was a terribly mis-lead movie, and i really only cared for the first Scary Movie. And you're right, comedy is very tricky to write.

Anyway. thank you.

Luis,

LOVED IT!    I pee-d myself.  RED RUM, RED RUM!!

Get it filmed!

JJ

Jake,

Thank you! I'm glad you loved it! I'm also happy you liked the Shining reference, I was kinda nervous on that one lol.