Tailback U by Tomas W Beaumont - Thriller, Sports, Crime, Suspence - A prized college football recruit discovers the inner-city trouble he thought he left behind has followed him to a Midwestern university. 117 pages

treatment - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Gave this a read. Writing is clear and dialogue natural. The issue i think it has - as far as commerciality goes - starts with the logline and continues throughout. Is this a sports movie? Sometimes. Is this a thriller? Occasionally. Is it a coming of age drama? A lot of the time.

I don't think this story has found itself yet. If it is a thriller about gangland revenge on a good kid trying to escape a bad neighborhood - then it needs to focus on that. The football games aren't needed. And the gangsters disappear for the whole seond act.

Happy to discuss if the writer is around.