The Diver by Max Ruddock - Short, Drama - An epiphanal moment in an athlete's life when he finally understands the reason behind his lack of success. 1 page

production: Ultra short one-pager with one location and one actor. - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Nice beginning. Very well done actually. But for me you left it undone. It calls for more at the end - for the punch. Maybe just me, see what the others say.

It's alright. Read worse things

Hi Khamanna,

Thanks for taking the time to read it and share your thoughts.

You're probably right about it needing a little more. I had gone with the less is more approach, but it's probably a little too sparse. In fact I've been contacted by a producer with an interest in making it, but they asked if it'd be possible for me to beef it up a little too.

So with that in mind I'm going to have another look at it and see what I can come with.

Cheers

Max

Thanks for taking the time to have a read BSaunders,

Encouraging stuff.

Cheers

Max

This has been optioned.

-  Don

Congrats on the option.

Thanks Anthony

Much appreciated.

I had to beef it up a little in a rewrite but they shot it late last week, so I'm happy something came of it.

Fingers crossed it turns out well.

Cheers

Max

Atta go Max - congrats

Wow that was quick Max, wish some of the people 'working' on my scripts were half as quick!

Look forward to seeing it.

Haha yeah really quick. I think they were just looking for something they could shoot off the cuff. And cos it only has one location, one actor and all the dialogue can be done in post, it was easy for them to do.

I'm just hoping it doesn't look rushed when it's finished.

Well, I got to see the end result not too long back and whilst it's visually lovely and has a great score, it's utter shit.

Honestly, when the credits popped up I was like, what the fuck was that even meant to be about?

Oh well, I guess that's always a risk once something is out of your hands eh...

Cheers for the messages anyway guys.

Max

Super duper congrats on option!!

Thanks Pale Yellow.

I wasn't super happy with the end result but I got a credit on IMDb off it... albeit a shared one with the director.

Apparently shooting something in a different order deserves a writing credit. Who knew?

Oh well.

Cheers,

Max

Hi Max,

I liked the script, and can picture the scene.  Is there anywhere we can see the end result / film?

Hey Robbie,

Yeah, here's a link.

https://vimeo.com/267585544

It's pretentious shit, but has a nice score. Was shot nicely too.

Cheers

Hi Max,

Had a read of the script and then watched the short.

I read all the previous comments so I know your feelings about the film, but I like it. Looks good, sounds good, unfortunately the problem is that without reading the script, this --

Quoted Text MAN (V.O.) ...not my fear of failing. (beat) But my fear of letting go.

-- doesn’t really come though.

So I can see your frustration. I imagine it would have been so easy to add the V.O. in post and it gives the whole thing meaning, but what can you do.

Maybe you just have to sell it as an arthouse film:P

I’d still be happy to have it to my name.

You should send it to Don to put in the produced shorts section.

Hmm.  Like you say, it's quite nicely shot, but went way off script (removing the voice over?) and therefore lost nearly all of the original intention.  Damn.  It does say, 'based on' in the end titles I suppose...  Shame that, the scripted version was a lot better!

Thanks for taking a look guys.

It won some awards but one of them was in an 'experimental' category or something silly like that. Personally I can't sand that shit haha... I like a story to have the balls to say what it's about rather than hiding behind vague nonsense.

Still, a credit is all good and at this stage I guess I have to just make do with whoring myself out haha

Quoted from Warren You should send it to Don to put in the produced shorts section.

I've no idea how to do that but I'll get on it.

Cheers

Quoted from Warren You should send it to Don to put in the produced shorts section.

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1438559016/

Congrats!  :)

Max, did you have an exclusive agreement with the filmmaker? If not, state on the thread that this is available again.

A lot of upcoming filmmakers want something to add to their showreel and this does the trick cause it's a beautifully filmed snippet of what he or she can do. I didn't really care for the music because I didn't think it added much emotionally. Having said that there wasn't much emotionally to the story arc as filmed anyway.

I read the script as well. I think this could be terrific if you could develop it a bit more, add a little more V.O. and add to the story. It doesn't need to be much but to actually show his epiphany and him 'letting go' we need to see the struggle first.

Ever see Mr Bean on the high dive?
https://youtu.be/Ub1YI7LF3e8

It's the comedic version but we see the struggle nonetheless.

Revamp it and hopefully get it optioned again. It's a good simple no dialogue inner struggle drama .

P.S. I also have experienced the filmmaker giving themself a writer credit because they changed an Aussie slang word to U.S. equivalent. ::)

Cheers Angry Bear,

I'll send that link to Don now.

Hey LC,

Nope, never had an exclusive deal with him. And funnily enough there is a longer version as he asked me to add a bit more to it, then didn't use it anyways (grrr!).

Hadn't thought about it until you mentioned it but I'll probably submit the longer one now.

Cheers, I appreciate the advice It's solid.

"P.S. I also have experienced the filmmaker giving themself a writer credit because they changed an Aussie slang word to U.S. equivalent."

jeez I think that's even worse!

Quoted from Pleb I've no idea how to do that but I'll get on it. Cheers

Max,

You need to send an email to webmaster@simplyscripts.com

Include a link to the vid and the name of the script.  I can take it from there.  If you have a poster handy, include that, but not necessary.  

The reason for the email is I tend to work out of my email and the chances of me forgetting to do it are less.  

Don


+++++++++++ Deleted Scene +++++++++

Max,

You send an email to webmaster@simplyscripts.com with the subject line, "Come bask in my reflected glory"

Begin with, "To the lovely and talented Don, I now rank amongst the heady few who have been produced, look upon my work {title of script} at: {video link} and despair. "

Don

Quoted Text So I can see your frustration. I imagine it would have been so easy to add the V.O. in post and it gives the whole thing meaning, but what can you do.

I'll never understand some decisions directors make...

At least, it's nicely shot.

Congrats, Max!

Thanks Philostrate.

Good luck on the option. Hope this gets done. That said, this was very profound, IMO, for half a page. Good job!!

Edit: Oh I see it was made. Well, congratulations then!

Cheers Steven

Max