Caution: Wet Floor by Oscar Moreno - Short, Comedy - A shy young man recurs to desperate and dangerous measures to get the attention of the girl of his dreams. 5 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Oscar,

I'm not sure if changes were made from your first submission of Caution Wet Floor to your second, but in the event no changes were made, I posted the following below to your new submission.

Oscar,

Congratulations on finishing your screenplay.

A few observations and suggestions:

Page 1. You have a scene heading/slugline indicating we are inside but you have Kevin stands outside. That was probably just a typo but then you have to address the next scene when you bring us outside if we are indeed already outside unless we are actually inside.

I wouldn't use crestfallen. I'd use sad or disappointed. I feel like it flows better and you don't have to google sad or disappointed. That's just my opinion.
Example:
Page 3.

Overall I get where you were going with this story and what you were trying to do with it. I think some dialogue could help out the story.

I hope some of this helps.

Best of luck to you with your current and future projects.