The Window by Fausto Lucignani - Short, Drama - A middle-aged, married man and a younger, single woman struggle to plan a future together.  6 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Fausto,

I can't believe I didn't see that coming, so Bravo I guess.  That was a very scary time for those of us living in the US, NYC metropolitan area.  Uncomfortable to revisit.  So it "got" me.

A few touch up's maybe:

Pg. 2  How long I have to wait?      . . . do I have to wait?
Pg. 3  Love never change.              . . . never changes.
Pg. 4 What you want me to do?      . . . .do you want me to do?

Pg. 4  I think you should omit "tween"  (or twin if that's what you meant).

Regards,

JJ

JJ,
thank you very much for your corrections. It's my fault...I rushed the rewrite. Regarding 9/11, I was there, I was working at 7WTC...we were evacuated late in the morning. In the afternoon, the building collapsed. Thanks again.
My best,
Fausto

Fausto,

I like the idea you came up with.
I couldn't help but think of this as a possible feature length drama and this is the final scene.      

Daniel, thank you for your reading. Your comment is encouraging!
I'll think about it.
My best,
Fausto

Ending surprised me... (Spoilers)

I really thought Andrew was going to push her out the window. I like the conflicting dynamic of emotions. The downside for me was I didn't really like the characters because of their infidelity, so the ending wasn't as impactful in this regards.  Like mentioned above, this feels like a piece of something larger.

Also can't imagine what you went through being in wtc 7  that day and that collapse still has me confused...

Hi Roy,
you are not the only one to be confused by the collapse of 7WTC. The truth is that the building contained a large deposit of oil used to warm up the building. When the incandescent debris from the other two buildings penetrated my building, the oil caught on fire and the structure just liquefied and collapsed. We were let go late in the morning (thank God). It was unbelievable. I saw people jumping off the windows to their deaths. Thank you for reading my short script.
My best,
Fausto

Fausto,

Some notes.

I think you get a bigger payoff, if you delay the ending for a few seconds.  Have them spot the plane in the distance, and remarking that it's out of the usual flight pattern.  He'll turn any moment.  But he doesn't  
He's not going to turn.
OH GOD!
I LOVE YOU.

It just seem abrupt to me.

Best
Richard

Hi Richard,
as always, I appreciate your suggestions. The problem I had when I wrote the script was that I had to imagine what it would have happened in that tragic moment. From the window of my office at 7WTC, I saw the plane approaching at great speed but it was a matter of split seconds before it hit the tower. I am not sure if the people at the window realized what was going on. I'll make the change as soon as the submissions reopen. Thanks again.
My best,
Fausto