Trick or Tweet by David Lambertson - Short, Comedy - President Trump is haunted by the ghosts of presidents past.  8 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Dave-

Love the premise.

The dialogue fell a little flat for me, I think because it was mostly a reiteration of what Trump's said in the past. I would have liked some fighting back with new levels of his ignorance of history (attack Washington with something like, "Well if you're so smart, how many times have you been on the cover of Time" or blame Lincoln for Charlottesville). Maybe an ironic tattoo revealed through the open robe?

Anyway, a fun read that I appreciated...especially the day after yesterday.

Quoted from Bogey Dave- Love the premise. The dialogue fell a little flat for me, I think because it was mostly a reiteration of what Trump's said in the past. I would have liked some fighting back with new levels of his ignorance of history (attack Washington with something like, "Well if you're so smart, how many times have you been on the cover of Time" or blame Lincoln for Charlottesville). Maybe an ironic tattoo revealed through the open robe? Anyway, a fun read that I appreciated...especially the day after yesterday.

Like your ideas - I like them. Thanks for the reaf.

DAVE -

Shorts.  They are what they are.  So I don't try to read too much into them.

No changing Trump.  I enjoyed the premise and the script did have funny moments.

You seem to have a knack for comedy.  From where I sit ,  I don't think you had to pull a lot of strings to go for jokes, for the most part, they felt like they were coming organically out of the situation.   If that makes sense....


Good stuff.  Thanks for entertaining

Ghostie

Quoted from ghost and_ghostie gal DAVE - Shorts.  They are what they are.  So I don't try to read too much into them. No changing Trump.  I enjoyed the premise and the script did have funny moments. You seem to have a knack for comedy.  From where I sit ,  I don't think you had to pull a lot of strings to go for jokes, for the most part, they felt like they were coming organically out of the situation.   If that makes sense.... Good stuff.  Thanks for entertaining Ghostie

It does - thanks for the read

Hey Dave, that was fun.....you should send it to SNL!

Quoted from Kirsten Hey Dave, that was fun.....you should send it to SNL!

Thanks, Kirsten- appreciated.

Hey Dave.

you have Lincoln's arm's tense on p4 - thought that might be a typo.

Anyway, that was a lot of fun. I liked it a lot. Can't suggest anything here, I think it should stay as is. At first I saw Trump and thought that nothing good can come out of this. But this works very well for me.

Quoted from khamanna Hey Dave. you have Lincoln's arm's tense on p4 - thought that might be a typo. Anyway, that was a lot of fun. I liked it a lot. Can't suggest anything here, I think it should stay as is. At first I saw Trump and thought that nothing good can come out of this. But this works very well for me.

Thanks. Khamanna - ironically, this was going to be my OWC submittal - got a third through it and saw no comedy genre so abandoned it for a bit - so, in a way, you inspired it's initiation.  Thanks for the read and the comments. Appreciated.

Would it be about the fear of ghosts then, Dave?

Quoted from khamanna Would it be about the fear of ghosts then, Dave?

No - I changed it from the original since I was no longer having to meet the phobia or RIP requirement. It was going to be Peladophobia - the fear of becoming bald. Had material in that regard which I later discarded.  

I'm with Kirsten, this should be an SNL skit. Loved the Covfefe line.

Quoted from MarkItZero I'm with Kirsten, this should be an SNL skit. Loved the Covfefe line.

Thanks, mate. Glad you liked it.

Dave,

I enjoyed this one. It was funny and well well written.

I agree with Kristen and MarkItZero, definitely SNL worthy.

Great work.

All the best,
Marty

Quoted from Marty Dave, I enjoyed this one. It was funny and well well written. I agree with Kristen and MarkItZero, definitely SNL worthy. Great work. All the best, Marty

Thanks, Marty - appreciated.

Dave, funny premise. I enjoyed it. This is what he needs, a visit from the past great presidents. And a note to him saying "You're fired, go back to Russia!"
My best,
Fausto

Thanks much

Trump is hard to parody since his real life behaviour usually puts anything anyone comes up with to shame. However, very good job here. You embraced his real life antics and didn't make any gross (well maybe a little gross) exaggerations about his character that weren't necessary. He usually does a great job of making himself a laughing stock anyway.

It's a nice sketch that could really shine with funny actors. And of course, Alec Baldwin as Trump... those Baldwin lines could be "meta" then!

Scripts like this make me really thankful to be a Canadian :)

Quoted from Cacutshaw Trump is hard to parody since his real life behaviour usually puts anything anyone comes up with to shame. However, very good job here. You embraced his real life antics and didn't make any gross (well maybe a little gross) exaggerations about his character that weren't necessary. He usually does a great job of making himself a laughing stock anyway. It's a nice sketch that could really shine with funny actors. And of course, Alec Baldwin as Trump... those Baldwin lines could be "meta" then! Scripts like this make me really thankful to be a Canadian :)

Thanks. mate - glad you enjoyed it.