Bank Manager by Simon Parker - Short, Drama - A girl in her late teens and a guy in his late thirties, both find a bank worker dead outside his car with a bag filled with money. Do they call for help, split the money or take it all for themselves.  6 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Sorry - but for me there is no point to this story.  It just ends - like you were tired of writing in it.

Some notes.

While the idea has been done many times, this is not a particularly new take.  Man dies, lots of money, two people who don't exactly see eye to eye.  The discussion is mundane.  He doesn't offer dreams of what she can do with the money.  She doesn't offer consequences of taking it.  They don't go to bargaining or killing off each other's arguments.  Sort of runs out of steam.

Best
Richard

I think the initial concept was great but it just leaves more to be desired. It ends too abruptly with a lot of unanswered questions.

It's the right starting for a featured script. want you try to lenght it? we just get hanging on the hook of the robbery at the very lightday, all of it well performed. anyway it that's is your perspective of the plot; it's okay.
Simon you can have my scripts 'On the road' and 'Curst' thriller and mystery respectively and swap reviews.
or send me another one of your scripts at redmooninvitro07@gmail.com