Print Topic

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Thriller Scripts  /  Kidnap In Room 12 - Filmed as Abduction 207
Posted by: Don, November 29th, 2017, 5:41pm
Kidnap In Room 12 by Victor Daniel-Kalio - Short, Thriller - The events of a ghastly kidnap unexpectedly force an oblivious wife into confronting the truth about her shady husband.  11 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work


+++++++++++++++
The trailer:


Abduction 207 - Official Trailer from Vis Brown on Vimeo.


Posted by: ghost and_ghostie gal, December 3rd, 2017, 7:33am; Reply: 1
@ Victor,

My eyes hurt, this was a painful read.

We, as writers, sometimes complain that readers skim - but the thing is here, just within the first few pages, not only that I don't have to read closely, but that reading closely hurts, rather than helps, my read.  By reading closely I have to stop and think and rejigger.  

I absolutely have no idea what font you are using, but drop it like a bad habit... and please can the bold text.   It's also worth pointing out; "Nicolas"  you need to us this (V.O.)

I didn't care for the ending.  No satisfying conclusion.  But, I think if you could clarify the movement of the story, it might be an interesting script.  Good luck with it!

Ghostwriter
Posted by: Don, September 30th, 2018, 9:15am; Reply: 2
Print page generated: March 28th, 2024, 6:35pm