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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Short Thriller Scripts / Kidnap In Room 12 - Filmed as Abduction 207
Posted by: Don, November 29th, 2017, 5:41pm
Kidnap In Room 12 by Victor Daniel-Kalio - Short, Thriller - The events of a ghastly kidnap unexpectedly force an oblivious wife into confronting the truth about her shady husband. 11 pages - pdf, format
Writer interested in feedback on this work+++++++++++++++
The trailer:
Abduction 207 - Official Trailer from Vis Brown on Vimeo.
Posted by: ghost and_ghostie gal, December 3rd, 2017, 7:33am; Reply: 1
@ Victor,
My eyes hurt, this was a painful read.
We, as writers, sometimes complain that readers skim - but the thing is here, just within the first few pages, not only that I don't have to read closely, but that reading closely hurts, rather than helps, my read. By reading closely I have to stop and think and rejigger.
I absolutely have no idea what font you are using, but drop it like a bad habit... and please can the bold text. It's also worth pointing out; "Nicolas" you need to us this (V.O.)
I didn't care for the ending. No satisfying conclusion. But, I think if you could clarify the movement of the story, it might be an interesting script. Good luck with it!
Ghostwriter
Posted by: Don, September 30th, 2018, 9:15am; Reply: 2
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