The Narrows by Halifax J. Lorshe - Thriller - The Narrows is a semi-minimalist noir dealing with identity, heritage, and revolution. In Chicago, a woman of color who lives simply with few clues to her past must act when called upon to take up the mantle of a powerful person she left years ago, and whose "empire" she stands to inherit. 124 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Halifax,

Just a few opinions, observations and suggestions.

I would lose the following hyperlink,
MUSIC CUE:
SCHUBERT'S 'SERENADE'
HTTPS://WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/WATCH?V=ZPA0L2WB86E
-Most people will read this one pdf so the hyperlink will work but what if someone prints this? Also, people may not even open the link in the first place.

The formatting seems off. Especially with regards to the sluglines, characters and the dialogue.
-Sluglines should not be maroon.
-Character names should not be colored blue.
-Dialogue should not be spaced like that.
If you are not using screenwriting software, Celtx, Fade In, and Writer Duet are all free.

Don't use CUT TO: unless it is completely necessary to. Looking at some of them, they are not. It would probably also reduce your page count by a few pages if this happens throughout your script.

Try not to use direction shots unless you plan on directing this yourself, then by all means go for it. If you are not planning on directing it, describe what you want us to see instead of telling us it's a close shot.

Best of luck to you with your current and future projects.

All the best,
Marty

Also, although the link may be appreciated for the chance to easily listen to a magnificent piece of music, it may be taken that you think the reader ignorant of it. Even if they are ignorant of it, they don't want to be made to feel that way. In fact, if they are ignorant of it, they're more likely to take offence.