Hold My Hand by Tom Levesque - Short, Drama - Hold My Hand is a coming-of-age drama about a naive teen who must care for his unsuspecting sister after they're abandoned.  10 pages

contest: Shortlisted NZFC Fresh Shorts Funding Round - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Tom,

I would remove the numbers from the scenes. It was probably an automatic setting but it could stop people from reading. Hard on the eyes.

All the best,
Marty

Tom,

Bravo!!  I was moved by your poignant short.  Nicely done!   Great that you maintained the  "pathos" through the entire story.  Story, story, story!!  A happy ending would have been less "dramatic" You're ending was "truthful"  A happy ending would have marred your effort.  IMO only.  

Loved the older brother-younger sister,  loving/caring relationship you created and then, developed.

Only one suggestion:  I was deep into your descriptive exposition when a POV or camera angle  occasionally took be out of the Story.  You're writing is colorful enough; wonderfully descriptive.
IMO, lose  the directions and angles.

Great stuff!

JJ