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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Comedy Scripts  /  Snake Cam
Posted by: Don, May 10th, 2018, 2:22pm
Snake Cam by Steven Clark - Short, Comedy - Awakened by thirst, a middle-aged Dad is in for the surprise of his life. 2 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: Thimmy, May 17th, 2018, 6:44am; Reply: 1
You've probably seen prank videos on Youtube. This story is little more than a prank video. The end product could still turn out better than a prank video, but then it's not so much about the script, but rather thanks to the rest: directing, acting, cinematography, audio, editing etc.
Posted by: SAC, May 17th, 2018, 8:51am; Reply: 2
Hi, thanks for reading. Yes, I’ve seen many prank videos on You Tube. I love them. There’s not much to this script. It doesn’t rank anywhere near my best. But I’d just gotten new screenwriting software and I wanted to try it out, so I came up with this ridiculous little short.

Steve
Posted by: Forgive, May 18th, 2018, 5:32pm; Reply: 3
Uh, it's a little more than a prank video if it's got acting, directing, audio, and editing ... and a script; which means it's not a prank video then? Well this worked nice for me, could be produced nice and cheap, and I do get thimmy's point, a nice acting turn could really make the difference. As well as good directing, editing n audio. Nicely written though.
Posted by: SAC, June 27th, 2018, 12:18pm; Reply: 4
This just got picked up by a producer in North Carolina who runs a non profit called Girls Rock Film Camp. Each year they produce, direct and edit short films in a one week time frame then debut the results in a closing ceremony.  Nice to hear they chose this, which was just something I banged out after getting Final Draft 10 to see how it works!

Steve
Posted by: Philostrate, July 16th, 2018, 12:33pm; Reply: 5
Hey Steve,

It's well written and made me laugh, so it served its purpose. Congrats for it being picked up ;)

David
Posted by: SAC, July 16th, 2018, 8:31pm; Reply: 6
Forgive (Simon?),

Thanks for your nice comments earlier. Much appreciated.

David,

Thanks for reading. Appreciate the kind words. Let me know if you have something new on the boards you want looked at.
Posted by: LC, July 16th, 2018, 11:08pm; Reply: 7
Hello, Mr Clark.

Nice. Made me laugh, so mission accomplished.   ;D

The pedant in me draws your attention to 'lightning fast', not 'lightening' - unless of course he's getting his hair done.

And one final qualm: Father to son, right? 'You son of a bitch' sounds a bit harsh to my ear.

That said: Congrats on the quick pick up!

How do you rate FD10, then?
Improvements worth updating?

Posted by: SAC, July 17th, 2018, 12:21pm; Reply: 8
Libby,

Thanks for the lightning notice. Good to know going forward. Guess that just slipped.

There are plenty of times my kids make my blood boil and I need to restrain myself. Any my oldest is eight. So I figure once a kid hits his teenage years then it won’t be that big a deal. Or would it? I don’t know. Sure feels good blowing off steam.

FD 10. I never used FD 9, so it’s all new to me. Honestly, I just wanted a clear upgrade in font, believe it or not. A few people said my formatting seems off in some of my old scripts, and, truthfully, the spacing did seem off. So, it’s def an upgrade, and they say all the big shots in Hollywood use it. Funny, but it’s not working. I feel I should’ve had my million dollar seller by now!
Posted by: CindyLKeller, July 27th, 2018, 4:32pm; Reply: 9
Hi Steven,
I see this one got picked up. :-)
Congrats.
Nicely written and funny.
I can see why it got picked up. It would be fun to watch. Lol
Cindy
Posted by: SAC, July 27th, 2018, 9:32pm; Reply: 10

Quoted from CindyLKeller
Hi Steven,
I see this one got picked up. :-)
Congrats.
Nicely written and funny.
I can see why it got picked up. It would be fun to watch. Lol
Cindy


Thanks, Cindy! Appreciate the kind words. Hopefully, they do film it (things can always change).

Posted by: CindyLKeller, July 28th, 2018, 12:43pm; Reply: 11
Well, I hope not.
Posted by: irish eyes, August 2nd, 2018, 8:02pm; Reply: 12
Wow this is probably your best work.
Although English is not your strong point it was a enjoy to read

:D
Posted by: SAC, August 2nd, 2018, 8:48pm; Reply: 13

Quoted from irish eyes
Wow this is probably your best work.
Although English is not your strong point it was a enjoy to read

:D


Comments are now closed, sir. Go polish your script.
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