Cool, the other Knight Rider script. Nice logline. And you tell us right off the bat that there's no gender switch. I did think Michelle Knight and female KITT were refreshing changes in the other writer's script. Let's see how you fared.
Normally, the font thing you did with the title would be rejected on sight. But I could definitely see it being the new logo. I see you added "The" as a definite article, similar to "The" Batman. Nice.
FADE IN: goes on the left.
Are you using 12pt Courier on your bold slugs? Some people like bold slugs, some don't. Bold and italics are historically banned in (spec) screenplays.
Quoted Text A jam[-]packed flight. |
"Resting bitch face." Nice. :D
Literally held hostage by a literal crying baby? I love the visual already.
"Coach"? I thought this was Knight Rider? :D Oh, that's right, they're on a plane.
I gotta pause for a shower break. If I don't come back, Norman Bates killed me. ;) I'm liking this so far.
I'm back. No sign of Norman... or "Mother." :)
----
Speaking of maternal figures, you should cap MOM.
"sooth" = (rhymes with "tooth") n. archaic: truth
"soothe" = (rhymes with "smooth") v. gently calm, reduce pain/comfort, relieve/ease
Pike appears to be original to this script.
"faraway" = adj. distant, dreamy
So, basically, he looks like Dog the Bounty Hunter?
"[A f]ew rows back"
Googling "Knight Rider Munro" gives me some cricket player. Must be original to the script?
How does a nod "[stand] and [head] to the rear of the plane"? ??) Your participle is dangling. :X Change this to imply that Pike and Munro, not the nod, head to first class. A nod is not a sentient being. ;D
"Arik" instead of Eric? Is he a Viking? According to Google, Arik Spencer is some CEO in North Dakota.
A cougar as in an older woman or an actual cougar? ;D Your producers would need to know which one you mean. I'd hate to bring in a live cougar (and its owner/trainer) and waste all that time and money when all I needed was an actress. Hell, I'd fire the writer.
I love those smooth pickup lines. 8)
Something suspicious about this Munro guy. But he's more normal than a sentient nod or whoever brought a cougar on the plane. ;D
The Ray-bans are a nice visual... and keeping with the show's 80s roots.
Careful with past tense and unfilmables. These are the enemies of any script.
Quoted Text With Pike, we see [T]he knocked[-]out passengers illuminate [as] X-RAY SKELETONS.
|
You should really write that as a POV shot and end it with BACK TO SCENE.
"an" foreign? HUGE grammar fail, almost as bad as your misplaced participle.
Is the IMPLANT a character?
CUT TO: is almost never necessary.
At first glance, I thought it read, "a baritone of pistols," which would make about as much sense as a nod getting up out of its seat and moving to the cargo. You're just saying that the engines roar to life. Good. Makes perfect sense.
Quoted Text Top speed is highly classified. And never call KITT a “she”... he hates that |
Ooh. Sick burn! By the way, what did you think of "The Hoff's" reboot script?
Despite embarrassing grammar faux pas, it was a pretty cool teaser.
Quoted Text EXT. LA GRANGE HIGH SCHOOL - DAY |
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ba-bum, bum-bum
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ba-bum, bum-bum, bum, bum... 8)
"High school" is not a proper noun, unless it's the full name of the school.
Fact check: Texas does have palm trees.
"lined circlet drive in front."
Huh?
"backpack" is one word.
So basically, the anti-Hoff?
I'd cap SLAMS, especially if it happens off screen. Keep the sound department in the loop.
BROOK DEMERS appears to be original to this script?
KATY is another original.
Quoted Text Katy holds onto a designer leather bag. She snorts awkwardly, displaying a full set of braces. |
Haha. Braces. The awkward teenage years. ;D
Quoted Text JOE ARNOLD, too lazy to be a jock, |
Ironically, Google tells me there was a college and pro baseball coach named Joe Arnold.
Watch out for orphans; too many can increase the page count.
Quoted Text Michael clocks him in the face with the book. And it’s a hardcover, too. |
OOH! :o :)
Quoted Text Joe pays her no attention. Sneering, he backs Michael against the locker. A right to the kidney. Another right to the chin. Blood trickles down Michael’s lip. |
You sound like a play-by-play commentator. ;D Keep it. :)
And I see he's Michael Knight from the beginning, rather than Michael Long. Nice change.
Reminds me of the exact same scene playing out in an episode of Nickelodeon's Doug.
"Shithead." Goodbye network TV. Helloooo cable. :)
Quoted Text GASSMAN Because it’s the bottom of the ninth and knuckleheads get last licks. Just one strike away... |
I gave no idea what this means, but it makes Gassman sound tough.
"We" should never appear in a script.
Synth music? Is it the 80s?
"hips swaying magnetic south" huh?
"grind"? what decade is this?
"shut up[,] dude!"
Always offset with commas.
Quoted Text Yeah, it’s like, super hard too. |
Double entendre?
Pabst? They had hipsters in the 80s?
Quoted Text Ya know, I tried being modest once. As expected, I was fucking amazing at it. |
You've officially moved up to HBO territory.
Quoted Text Let’s go! Get that product on the truck[,] pronto. |
Archer's another original.
Quoted Text A MAZE OF SHIPPING CONTAINERS
[c]onfines Joe, Brook, and Katy. |
makes more sense lowercase.
Quoted Text EXT . /INT. DOCKS/KITT - NIGHT |
It's EXT/INT. or INT/EXT. with only one period.
So an Uzi is a gun, not a rapper?
Quoted Text Archer puts Brook in a headlock, grinding his Uzi into her cheek. |
Um, double entendre? :-/
Quoted Text Shoot to kill, boys. |
Shoot to thrill
Play to kill
Too many women with too many pills ;D
Hell, that should be blasting on KITT'S stereo!
Quoted Text He loads his Uzi. |
The gun or the rapper?
Quoted Text It’s balls thirty |
Huh??? What the hell does this even mean?
Quoted Text It dawns on Michael he might actually have to drive. |
Make sure you can film this. Show it on his face. We can't hear his thoughts. This isn't a novel.
Quoted Text Did you forget how to drive? |
Better question: Is the kid even old enough? Does he have a license/permit?
Quoted Text Lucky we’re not in a some river right now |
Or does-a the Katy girl-a speak-a in a stereotypical Italian accent?
Does Michael "punch" the gas with his fist? That visual would go great with the infant captor, the nod that gets up out of its seat and heads to the cargo, and the literal cougar. ;D
Quoted Text The van goes right. |
Van Gogh. Coincidence?
Quoted Text SPRAYS HIS UZI |
Eww! ;D
Michael pumps gas into the tank, or out of it? It's your job to make this clear.
[qupte]
The car won’t move a muscle. Something’s not right.[/quote]
Show, don't tell.
Normally, bold and italics are forbidden.
Quoted Text Together, Michael and friends release a JOYOUS WAR CRY. |
Cue "The Immigrant Song."
GWEN RYHANN must be original to the script? The first Google hit takes me to the script.
"Mom" and "Dad," being used as names, need to be capitalized.
Quoted Text Off Gwen’s sharp stare- |
Okay...
For a bunch of lowlifes, these bandits are men of wealth and taste.
Steven Tyler getting his head blown off? Dream on. ;D
*SPOILER*
Quoted Text [KAMM voiced by D**** H*********] |
Niiice. 8)
Whoa. That was awesome. Took me all day to read it, but wow. One of my faves. :)