Happy Days by Someone - Series, Drama - When Richie is involved in an automobile accident, it leads to a series of unfortunate events, including the death of a mystery man. 21 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Happy Days - IMDB, Wiki, Video/Trailer

SPOILERS

Fonzie a killer hood? Mr. C. a racist? MY CHILDHOOD DOESN'T MAKE SENSE ANYMORE!!!

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I thought this was pretty good. I thought the dialogue was true to the characters for the most part, except that Fonzie was a little more articulate then he was on the show.

Didn't get the use of Arnold as the Sheriff and why Fonzie said 'let me guess. Arnold?' and Richie said yes, yet Arnold didn't know who he and Potsie were when they first met.

(And you probably know this, but Arnold wasn't his real name in the show. He bought a restaurant already named ARNOLD's, and his explanation to the boys when they find out his real name is "signs are expensive!")

If you read the comments before reading the script, you're gonna get SPOILERS.

This is a different take on Happy Days all right. So much so that the show title doesn't make sense. Happy Days? More like the Summer of Sam.

Really dark opening. I know exactly what I'm in for, and it ain't happy.

You should make it clear in the first header that it's 1950-something. The first few pages don't have any clues to the time period, it isn't until Howard complains about a $35k baseball contract that I realized it must be set around the time of the original show.

You do a good job capturing the voices of the original characters. Strange in this genre, but it works. Except for Fonzie, who as was mentioned already is far more articulate, and Arnold, who spoke in very broken English.

So, Lenny's idea of dumping the body is to let the car drive itself across a road to a cliff? And doesn't see the only other car on the road coming? Seems unlikely.

How does Richie know the body in the trunk is dead just by looking at the hand? He then goes to make sure but he already seemed pretty sure of himself.

This is the Richie and Potsie show. I actually miss Ralph, his name was mentioned but he doesn't make an appearance. Maybe it's the page count restriction, poor Ralph got cut.

Is this a small town or not? Arnold doesn't know who they are, but Richie seems to know who he is when he's talking to Fonzie and Fonzie certainly knows who he is.

Speaking of Fonzie, the intro here is barely passable. You're relying on the reader knowing who Fonzie was in the original show. Here, he blows in and out so fast we don't really get a sense of who he is, just that he's close to the Cunninghams.

No car in the lake. Neat, it's a mystery...

Except, no it isn't. You reveal Fonzie is the killer, or behind the killing. Lenny (and presumably Squiggy) are the goons, except it looks like Lenny won't be joining us for the rest of the series. So now I don't really care where the car is, I know who's behind it.

All in all, this is an interesting take on a beloved show. I could see it working, with a longer page count and a few changes. It's in the same vein as Riverdale, which could help or hurt it. My biggest gripe is you took the best character of the show and turned him into the bad guy.

I enjoyed reading this. Nice work.

An orphan on the first page. So far, pretty solid writing.

Your font makes the letter "s" look weird, like the number 8.

"Richie? Breakfast's on!" read a little awkward. "Richie? Breakfast is on!"

"So what (is it/do) you really want to be?"

Wait, which car spins sideways? Or both?

*MILD SPOILER* Arnold is a Deputy?

Quoted Text He walks down to a cliff that where the car disappeared into the lake.

Reads awkward.

LOL. I'm not sure "Sit on it" fits the mood.

Try to keep the time indicator limited to "DAY" and "NIGHT."

Is the dream sequence day or night?

Aaaaaay! That's quite a twist on Fonzie. So much for "Happy" Days.

Excellent writing throughout. I love how you turned a fun, nostalgic sitcom into a teen drama. I love the little time period nuggets about Hank Aaron and his salary, Howard's racism, and "People will always be reading newspapers."

You certainly made "these Happy Days" yours. Great job.

"These days are ooooooouuuuurrr, our happy da..." AAAAHHHHHH, what the Jesus above just happened????

Now, that's what you call meeting the reboot criteria, and I thought Weezer's Buddy Holly video was an odd adaption of Happy Days.

Firstly, Potsie saying he doesn't like dead bodies...how many has he seen!!! This is bonkers, absolutely nuts, but I kinda liked it. What I would have loved is if you'd put the regular theme music on after the first scene, now that would have been a Chris Morris esque dark comedy angle.

Look, there's reboots and then reboots, this is a reboot to the power of 9. Some people will probably get put off by that, but I successfully suspended my memory of the original and went with it.

Flawlessly written, a nicely crafted storyline and for some reason I couldn't stop laughing.

Liked it

Cam

I used to watch this show with my Grandpa when I was a kid. Good times.

This is not the Happy Days I remember, but I really dig it none the less. Really weird and dark take on the classic show.

The writing is excellent, definitely the kind of script I like to study.

This one worked for me on every level and is my favorite of the bunch so far. Great job!

~Zack~

A passing reference to Squiggy?

And...

SPOILERS

The Fonz is a cold blooded killer? Arnold is a policeman?

Sacrilege, I say!

Richie is punished for a bingle that isn't his fault?!

Moments of humour. I liked Joanie asking if she could have Richie's room if he goes to jail and the Sit On It retort.

I liked Fonzie's entrance and opening dialogue too.
It really picked up for me then. But then took a dive again.

I noticed a typo with Potsie's name, but otherwise pretty clean, I think.

I just gotta say:

It's written well enough but I cannot abide reboots with a complete genre change. Just can't. Nope.

Nothing 'Happy Days' about it.  :'(

Hi,

notes as I read:

Marion and Howard are talking about some Hank. I think he needs to make an appearance later on.
Richie and Potsie - can't differentiate between them, they sound the same to me. A lot of matter-of-factly dialog in the first ten. I already don't remember what it's about.
The first ten did not raise questions which is a problem. The first scene was good but you didn't provide us with connection to the rest of it. well, maybe later, but it's already late in my opinion.

Sudden turn of events with the car and a body appearing and then disappearing.

I'm familiar with Happy Days, I think yours is some kind of a parody. Not sure if you could call it a reboot though.
The characters didn't pick my interest and that's my man grump.

Writer,

Hey, I liked this a lot. A good, cohesive story with characters you could relate to. Very descriptive without overdoing it. Not much more to say. I’ve only read a few but his is the best so far. Good work. Talented writer here.

Steve

Hi,

Quoted Text INT. RICHIE’S CAR - MORNING For a few moments there is silence. Richie takes in the view that the silhouette of a quarter-moon provides. Potsie finally breaks the silence.

Quoted Text INT./EXT. DESOTO - RURAL ROAD - MORNING RICHIE Why’d they give us the route way out in the sticks? POTSIE (shrugs) I didn’t know people in this part of town could even read. (looks at the list) There’s our first house.

I've highlighted these two sections for a couple of reason. Pick either DESOTO or RICHIE’S CAR and stick to it for clarity.

I'd also switch the first part of these two slugs. The first block of quoted text it contained in the car but also shows us some of the outside world; INT./EXT. would be most appropriate here. The second quoted text is completely contained in the vehicle so INT. will do. Not really a big deal but I think if you going to use the two different forms, you should use them in the correct spots.

There’s a bit of passive writing here and there.

Quoted Text Richie flicks on the light, and when the light tracks to the man’s face, it freezes Richie cold.

Is it still dark, is the sun ever coming up?

Quoted Text EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - LATER

Later in the morning? Is it light yet?

Quoted Text Something is rotten in the state of Wisconsin.

Fair bit of over witting, asides and unfilmables for the sake of it. I don’t mind them if they add something to the story. This doesn’t, it forces home an idea we are already well aware of.

Quoted Text a seed of doubt has been sewn into his soul.

and again.

Not bad, not bad at all. I personally think the writing could use a tidy up and a trim but the story was enjoyable enough.

I think you tried to force the ominous feeling of the script a bit.

Although you end this with "To be continued", I still would have liked a bit more explanation of the current situation. Stuff happens for no apparent reason.

So while there was enough to keep me reading, I was left wanting in the end. Because of the nature of this challenge I’m not ever likely to be fulfilled.

A solid entry regardless, congrats.

Happy Days reboot starts with a murder? Fail.

This is a OWC so let the creativity go off the rails and do what you want. But if this was a serious entry for the challenge, taking a show like Happy Days and attempting a modern reboot with a grim murder right away is so far off the mark for what the original show is/was about that this script fails for me right out of the gate. You can call this Happy Days all you want, but it's clearly not.

Where is the conflict? It's just Richie and Potsie delivering papers. Maybe it's Richie's last day of a job he hates and he just needs to make it through the day. Or after today he can finally buy his own car he's been saving up for so long. Hell, there is a new hire in town taking away his hours. Give us something here. It's a short, you don't have forever to start the story.

Ok I take it back, Riverdale is a very edgy, for a show based on Archie comics, recent TV reboot and I might be able to see shades of that in this script. The writing is good. The dialogue seems very hokey just like Happy Days was. And I'm still reading.

Why spend so much time on the phone call scene? Knock on door. Woman answers. "Can we use your phone?" Done.  

"Something is rotten in the state of Wisconsin." Out of place unfilmable.

Why are people doubting Richie? His car was clearly wrecked and the tracks towards the lake are evidence to support his story.  You need something stronger here to make it work. Maybe Richie has a past history of drinking and driving in this reboot which has Arnold and others doubtful of his actions.

What? Fonzie is a crime lord now? Why? Not a fan of to be continued here. I'd rather a complete story with a satisfying ending. This is not. We have no idea who the man was or why Fonzie put a hit out on him. Richie has no resolution. It sounds like you have no idea what to do and spent your time on setting a story up but nothing else.

Which is a shame, cause despite my first objections, this isn't bad. Usually with these challenges I either love or hate them. Rare is a script caught in the middle for me like this. The writing is strong, most of the dialogue fits, but the pacing is weak  as is the ending, and the overall tone of the reboot still seems odd to me.

Another favorite from my youth.

Pg. 1 - Is the young man naked when he's getting choked or does the other man strip him before chucking him in the trunk?

Pg. 7 - They're in a DeSoto and then a truck. When did that happen?

A lot of logic tossed out the window with the two-car accident and Arnold's investigation. Not sure what to think of this. All the same characters in the same roles but when did Arnold become a cop from fry-cook?

The Fonz, Lenny and Squiggy involved together? Fonzie wouldn't have anything to do with them in the original. And being the bad guy?! That's sacrilege. Might as well Howard a pedophile.

Good job getting this in. Not sure how this is a reboot as it's the same timeline and characters.

Having Lenny send the car crashing into the DeSoto is a devious way to drum up business for Fonzie's auto shop! Okay, so maybe this isn't the way it was intended to go down, but it makes Fonzie come off as a practical evil businessman, instead of just evil.

I love this new perverted retelling of Happy Days. Bring in Laverne and Shirley as part-time hookers and it would be perfect!

However, every lawyer in town might have problems with it, so change the names and title a bit, and sell it in Canada. For some reason they're not too fond of the US at the moment.

Some early camera instructions and I'm tempted to...wait up just a minute. Happy Days? Happy Days?

Quoted Text A briefest hint of light reveals his face is beaten to a bloody pulp, his eyes almost sealed shut. He tries to move away, but collapses to his knees.

Quoted Text ...wire slips quickly around the Young Man's neck. ...who now struggles against the weight of the wire, so tightly it splits the skin.

Yeah. Definitely re-imagined to be sure.
I can see the opening credits now:

These days are all
Happy and free (those happy days)
These days are all
Share them with me (oh baby)
Goodbye grey sky, hello blue
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you
Feels so right, it can't be wrong
Rockin' and rollin' all week long

;D

Filmed live in front of a studio audience  ;D

Anyway...let's get to it....

You don't give the year, but given the house, Richie's room, the hairstyles, and sports discussion about Hank Arron, and his "new" contract with 36k, which brings it to 1959.

Quoted Text HOWARD I’m just saying that no one in Milwaukee deserves to be paid that much money, especially a black man.

Unnecessary, as this paints Howard as a racist, and for that matter, someone who does not follow the sport at all. (Babe Ruth's salary was far higher) Then again, you are re-imagining Happy Days, Yet, Marion says "I thought you liked Hank Aaron"...something doesn't quite work here. (Side note: the real Aaron would appear in a ep of Happy Days during its run)

Quoted Text Richie is taken aback to find that the man in the trunk is naked.

These days are all
Happy and free (those happy days)
These days are all
Share them with me (oh baby)
Goodbye grey sky, hello blue
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you
Feels so right, it can't be wrong
Rockin' and rollin' all week long

:X

I was glad to see the Fonz show up, I was almost thinking he wasn't going to be in your...script...wait a minute...did he just...

But alas, then you hit me with something I can't excuse.

Quoted Text “TO BE CONTINUED”

So, after going this odd mystery route, you don't know how to end it. And stuff brought up have nothing to do with anything.

>:(  >:(  >:(

If it wasn't for the camera shots, this would be...alright I guess. I just can't get into it.
sorry.

and it’s brutal enough to haunt the senses.

I dig this kind of writing style. Well done.

I need to stop for a second and admire the fact that you opened up with a thrilling teaser.

Whoa! Howard. Black man? Really? Bad Howard.

"I should be beating you with a
stick for talking me into this."

Haha!

You are on top of your game man. Clean action. Tight dialogue. You got craft, bro.


"Potsie looks annoyed as Mr. Jensen walks away."


That's a mystery. Why would Potsie be annoyed? We'll see.


P6. Ok I get it now. Postie thinks Richie is bailing on him.

"He digs deep down for the answer as if no one has ever asked him this before."

The visually to words-count ratio is very low here.


"The mood suddenly turns as dark as the morning sky"

Hmmm. Where did that come from?

P8 Oh I get it. It's the place they got too. You should have hinted that. The mood change without explanation was confusing. Maybe:

The mood suddenly turns as dark as the morning sky as if they just drove into a nightmare.

Wait  a second. Are you making us know about their hopes and ambitions so we would feel sorrier for them when they get hurt? Curse you!

I liked the scene when they bump into the car so much. It changed the dynamics of the story in a very cool way. But I was thinking that the opening was a flash forward. That's why I complimented it.


EXT. HILLSIDE - CONTINUOUS
A LONE FIGURE on the hillside amongst the woods steps out of
the shadows and watches them drive away.

This should have been omitted. We can already tell he's watching.

I like that Arnold got a vivid character.

lol Joanie is fun! I like her. I love how you always keep the dialogue fun and engaging. You are good man. I'm jealous.

Richie springs up in his bed

You need to know that doesn't happen in real life. We don't wake up that way out of a nightmare. We just wake up.


Man, I freaking love how early you get in and out of every scene. Just enough for it to deliver its purpose. You are good! Which mean I'm going to tilt up the sensitivity knob. Buckle up.

Wow! The ending man.

Final thoughts.
I kinda saw it coming. The leather jacket dude felt like the culprit somehow to me when he walked in. A think that took away a little from my enjoyment of the ending. Now I think you got a pretty solid craft. But the story is too skinny. It's a great teaser and I would definitely love to watch the next episode but the pilot as a standalone could have used more meat. Like how about near the end Richie will cross path in Milwaukie journal that got the same tattoo. I mean to just have it end by showing us that Fonzie is behind it is not enough as a cliffhanger. Again. I'm neat-picking. This is a very solid script. Very well done. 4.5/5. It's the winner so far for me. Still, 11 scripts to go through.

I actually liked this.  I remember the original series, "Happy Days" back in the 70's.  (I'm dating myself here.)  I hope this story continues.  I would like to know why the "killer" is doing what they are doing.  Something caused this individual to snap and become a killer?  I see that it ends with, "To Be Continued".  Well...I hope so.  Leaving the ending open keeps the reader guessing until the next installment is completed and posted.  Still, I liked the script.

I have always wanted to take a classic television series and add a story to it as well.  When I saw the title, "Happy Days", I immediately knew what I would be reading.  That wasn't true.  The story starts out very dark and not so "happy".  Though the characters are easy to picture in my mind, it made it much easier to read and follow.  Looking forward to the next installment.