Brothers Justice by Ed Earp - Short, Action, Thriller - Two young detectives embark on a risky expedition to resolve their brother’s murder. Stalked by a notorious gang, they survive deadly confrontations on their path to a triumphant breakthrough.  50 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hello Ed,

Right away I noticed you may be new to screen writing. There is no title page to this. Also, a lot of passive writing and a lot of on the nose dialogue. Also, I could be jumping the gun as I stopped right when it jumps ahead ten years, but most of the cast is supposed to be American, African American. Well here's the issue, almost no one in the African American community refers to their mom as "mum", this made me think you may be from across the pond and not from America. Which is fine, but try and research how people speak...the dialogue here was so on the nose and very plain.

I'd say do some research, and you can really make this into something.

Good luck.

Here in Birmingham, UK, we pronounce it with an 'o'. So, it's mom, not mum. I actually have Southerners try to correct me on it. To me a mummy is completely wrapped in bandages, in London, it's your parent.