The Atlas Scheme: Bunker by Charlie Gutsell - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy - {no logline} 10 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Charlie

No log line - not a good start

Scene heading not formatted correctly

First action block, 11 lines long - not good, read the first 3 lines and it is all just telling (Write visually, it is a screenplay after all, not a novel)

A lot more research into screenwriting is needed

Script starts off with:
'The year is 2118, and nuclear war is still tearing the Earth apart, fifty years after the Atlas twins had lit the spark
that kicked off the struggle for freedom. The war has now reached Arizona, with its quiet desert landscape now
resembling something that would be better suited at the gates of Hell.'

Look at this paragraph and ask yourself how it will be seen visually. How do we know about the Atlas twins and th struggle?  You've got to show this visually.

I would kick off with ' SUPER: 2118'.