Jason Z by Robert Cantu - Short, Horror - It is the millennium version of Friday the 13th that everyone is waiting for. It is gory, action and horror. It is even has a major celebrity.  5 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Why did you skip Jason Y? ;)

@Robert

Take what you like... Or curse me to the 3rd circle of hell... either way.

This is just the same old stuff. You didn't turn anything on its head, you didn't do anything better than we've seen it done a hundred times before. You can't marry a tired premise to mediocre execution; it just doesn't fly.  

In the opening scene, it is an old, contrived, worn out cliche.  Can't writers think of something new?  That road has been used so often it has ruts in it.  You have a girl pleading for her life, but I don't feel connected to the girl. I don't feel anything, in fact, you don't do anything to make us feel like she deserves this, or doesn't deserve it, or anything in between.  I need to care what happens, even if I just met the victim...and those minor characters.

Don't be lazy, give the girl a name.

Your action and descriptions need to be tighter... especially the last pages.

You could kill most of your (parentheticals/wrylies)... they are not done well.  One of the best uses for a parenthesis is when the line means the exact opposite of what the character really thinks... it's also a good way to give dialogue context like when a character might be saying something that is the opposite to how he/she feels.

ANDREA
Do you still love me?

BILL
(no)
Yes.

On the screen, the subtle facial reaction or holding onto the frame a second longer would provide that context to the audience.  A caveat, this is JMHO, my other esteemed colleagues might pass through here and say, "Ghostie, you're are so full of s*#it."

Good Luck