Mr. Longsleeves by Michael Rogers - Short, Horror - When a single mother believes her family is being hunted, she takes her daughter and elderly mother on the run. But no one can run from the evil that hides inside. 20 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey Michael,

First a few nitpicks. You didn't capitalise Homeless Man. Three determined men is an odd way way of describing men. On page ten while writing thing and so far very dialogue heavy. I am intrigued though. You say they come from the woman's room. Women's?

This one lost me at around page 15. Seemed pretty batshit crazy. A long armed demon taking over Nana? This definitely might work for some. Not my cuppa though.

Good luck,
Glenn

Thanks for the read, Glenn. I'll check those edits and get them straight.

I made the edits you pointed out but can't update the screenplay, so you will still see them on this revision.

Hi Michael

If you submit this script again (the link at the top) there is a check box that says this "This is an update to a script, logline, genre, or title already on the site" - check that box, upload the new version and this thread will be updated with it.

Matt