X-Boy by Max Ruddock - Short, Comedy - A young boy heavily influenced by super hero comics learns the true price of superheroism. 1 page - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Wouldn't call this a comedy. It has a very bleak ending. I thought it was a good complete story for a 1-pager.

Definitely not a comedy, that was extremely dark.

Or maybe it says something about you that you find it funny?  :P

Comedy? Not even black comedy as your chosen genre?

There's a difference between being entertained as we write something ourselves and what the actual filmed project would look like.

I even considered (in my head) if animation could rectify this but it's just too grim a punchline for what is a comedic setup.

Based on the other reviews, I must be sick, because I would class this as a dark comedy.

Why is Freddy's name capitalized every time? You also say Freedy sometimes.

Maybe you made him too young for such a grim ending - Making him an immature teen who still wants to be a superhero might make the ending easier for people to swallow.

Anyway - a 1 pager - Top work.

Getting a beginning, middle and ending into a 1-pager is impressive, especially with all those slugs in there adding white space and a surname that's never uttered taking up room.

Looking up-thread, some folks are questioning whether this is really a comedy. Kids tell some pretty damned bleak-ending jokes to one another, so I don't think there's anything genre-shattering here. Seems squarely black comedy to me.

That said, I can't see this actually getting made in live action with a child actor. It could be animated, but that's not going to make people who don't like it give it a chance.

Hi guys,

Thanks for taking the time to read it and offer feedback. I really appreciate it.

As for the comedy side of it; yes, it's meant to be a dark comedy. Although I can see what you guys are getting at, and like Warren says it probably says something about me. I think I've always had a slightly weird sense of humour and this is the kind of thing that if I watched it I'd chuckle.

Thanks for pointing out the name issue Matthew. No idea how I missed that! Good call on the age suggestion too. Will get those changed.

As for live action, that never crossed my mind. Plus I always assumed that kind of thing cost bazillions to do.

Thanks again guys,

Max

Hey Max,

Interesting little one pager.

You only capitalize character names when they are introduced. Besides that, pretty cleanly written.

Made me laugh, but my sense of humor is all out of whack. ;D

Zack

Hi Zack (also Matthew for this one),

The upper caps thing was something I'd seen in older scripts and I thought it might help with the read, but I'll drop it in the polish if it looks too cluttered.

Cheers for the read,

Max

Updated draft is up.

Thanks for your feedback guys.

Max

Optioned.

- Don

Congrats Max!

Cheers Anthony

Nice one pager here, Max.

Liked the wicked and dark sense of humor. The ending was a bummer. Do understand why some people seemed upset. But I liked it. Blame me for that.

But but but... I strongly wouldn't categorize this as a comedy. It's a dark drama for me. That's for sure.

And congrats for the script been optioned.

Good luck.

Cheers Yuvraj,

Yeah it’s pretty dark eh

Quoted from Pleb Cheers Yuvraj, Yeah it’s pretty dark eh

Yeeep!

Reading this... In that, I'm Freddy (reader going into character) - It was a good laugh from a kids point of view.  With that - a producers point of view, I see why it was optioned.

Nice.

Congrats!

Thanks chaps

¡Felicitaciones!

Hey Max, I really liked how you wrap a whole story in one page! I understand how this is a comedy script and the tone would reside in the directing and music slected. I get the "joke" and I'm glad it's optioned! Kudos!

Just read this. It reminded me quite a bit of that car commerical with the kid dressed as Darth Vader trying to use the force, but still, congrats on getting it optioned.

As for whether or not it's comedy -- eye of the beholder. Personally, I liked the set-up but not the punch line. But no judgment here. I remember back in high school when dead baby jokes were funny. I don't think so now, but then I'm not a teenager anymore, so...

Like I said. Eye of the beholder. Congrats again. :)

Thanks guys.

From the sounds of it they’re just getting ready to shoot it so it’ll be interesting to see how it turns out.

Cheers