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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Drama Scripts  /  Finding My Way Home To You
Posted by: Don, May 24th, 2019, 2:34pm
Finding My Way Home To You by Ashley Byron  - Drama - After losing his memory , A disfigured fighter pilot returns to his hometown and reunites with his wife and son who don't recognize him. 87 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: eldave1, May 28th, 2019, 6:02pm; Reply: 1
Ashley:

You're kind of missing the basics. These are problems on the first 1/4 page.


Quoted Text
INT WEST HOUSE - DAY

Ty walks downstairs


Should be:

INT. WEST HOUSE - DAY

Need to CAP TY (as is the case with all characters) when first intro'd.

Give us some description of the setting - we don't know if we're in a mansion or a slum house.

Describe your characters. - Physical traits at least.


Quoted Text
TY (8)
Hey mom dad hasn't responded yet


Missing a comma after Hey and a period after yet. You have grammar errors throughout.
Check out Grammerly - it's free.


Quoted Text
AVERY (30)
He will buddy I am sure he will


need a comma after will. A period after buddy. A period after the last will.

Never have a character speak before they are introduced.


Quoted Text
TY
When is he coming home


? needed after home.

Do some Google research on script format - get some grammar tools. You need to develop the basic building blocks.
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