SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board / Drama Scripts / Finding My Way Home To You
Posted by: Don, May 24th, 2019, 2:34pm
Finding My Way Home To You by Ashley Byron - Drama - After losing his memory , A disfigured fighter pilot returns to his hometown and reunites with his wife and son who don't recognize him. 87 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted by: eldave1, May 28th, 2019, 6:02pm; Reply: 1
Ashley:
You're kind of missing the basics. These are problems on the first 1/4 page.
Quoted Text
INT WEST HOUSE - DAY
Ty walks downstairs
Should be:
INT. WEST HOUSE - DAY
Need to CAP TY (as is the case with all characters) when first intro'd.
Give us some description of the setting - we don't know if we're in a mansion or a slum house.
Describe your characters. - Physical traits at least.
Quoted Text
TY (8) Hey mom dad hasn't responded yet
Missing a comma after Hey and a period after yet. You have grammar errors throughout. Check out Grammerly - it's free.
Quoted Text
AVERY (30) He will buddy I am sure he will
need a comma after will. A period after buddy. A period after the last will.
Never have a character speak before they are introduced.
Quoted Text
TY When is he coming home
? needed after home.
Do some Google research on script format - get some grammar tools. You need to develop the basic building blocks.