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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  /  I'm All Write
Posted by: Don, July 22nd, 2019, 3:43pm
I'm All Write by Mica - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy - A writer, Danny mills, lives as the only human in the year 3020, in a world of robots and advance technology. 4 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Posted by: Steven, July 22nd, 2019, 4:46pm; Reply: 1
I mean, okay?

I would assume English is a second language here, I hope. Lots of grammatical errors from incorrect word choices to incorrect punctuation.

Besides that, the world set up is very shallow and the descriptions give no real color to anything.
Posted by: Arundel, July 22nd, 2019, 8:33pm; Reply: 2
Seems like a good beginning to something. Liked the name "Erl" but gets accidentally spelled "earl" later on. The humanities weren't really explained that well but could eventually catch on. Not a fan of voice-overs at all, that was the worst part.

Descriptions worked, could give picture to the type of city being described. At the end when Danny says "I'm all write," would not come across on screen because the viewer can't see the word, they can only hear it being said so the effect would be lost.
Posted by: Fais85, July 24th, 2019, 4:49am; Reply: 3
in bits and pieces, this works. It looks like a setup for something bigger.

I guess, once the humanites start to LEARN things, they will no longer need Danny and they will try to get rid of him. Now it will be up to Danny to use his imaginative skills to defeat the advanced robots.
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