Yesterday, I Was King by Kavuma Mathew G.Q - Short, Drama, Tragedy - A well respected man in his community, makes a tough decision that could be the downfall of everything he worked for and accomplished. 14 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hello

I actually really enjoyed this story until the end (I am a sucker for happier rather than darker endings). But the ending seemed too abrupt, the story doesn't appear finished and although people do enjoy cliff hanger endings, I think this one would have benefited from being finished.

Is this leading to something bigger, like a feature? I ask because you also include the missionaries element which doesn't affect the story at all, so I wonder if this is a prelude.

Anyway, good work

best of luck with it

Is this an opening of a feature? Because it looks so. Good writing though.

On page 2, when CHIELO walks into the room, OKONKWO asks OBIERIKA; "Who's that?". Obierika replies; "I have no idea".

But on page 3, Chielo calls Okonkwo by his name. How does she know his name, if Okonkwo has no idea who she is?

If we look to another possibility that she does know his name, then Okonkwo should be surprised when she calls him by his name. But he isn't.

Overall I enjoyed it.

Quoted from Fais85 On page 2, when CHIELO walks into the room, OKONKWO asks OBIERIKA; "Who's that?". Obierika replies; "I have no idea".

I think they were referring to the boy next to Chielo

Quoted from Matthew Taylor I think they were referring to the boy next to Chielo

I thought about it, Matthew. But Obierika and Okonkwo's wife, both of them very casually mentions Udo and Udo's wife in their conversations. So they must know their son too. ::)

Edit: Okay. While writing this, I again read the script. The boy is not Udo's son. But he is someone offered by Mbaino people. So they are refering to the boy. My mistake.

Hi, I had no idea this was posted in 2019 because I didn't get an email hence me posting it again. Otherwise, I would have replied earlier. Yes, it's a much larger story that I couldn't compress into a short film. So I ended up focusing on the core of the story. It's based off a novel by Chinua Achebe - Things Fall Apart. I did my IGCSE literature exam on the book and fell in love with it. And just thought I'd do my version of an adaptation of it.
And yes, they were referring to the boy.