Lottery Winner by Simon Parker - Short, Drama - Winning the lottery, Ryan is softly spoken but now confined to a wheelchair following a car crash. Ryan is looked after by his jealous older brother, learning that his brother is to blame for his car crash, Ryan's life is now in danger. 5 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

I didn't think the dialogue felt natural. You tell us it's PRESENT DAY and then tell us its the present day in the action line. Also you say FLASHBACK: ONE YEAR AGO, the FLASHBACK: is for the reader but how will the viewer know it's a year ago. You could have SUPER: One Year Earlier.

It seems like they live together but if but Jason has his own room. If Jason hates Ryan so much why would he have a picture of him celeberating the biggest thing Jason resents about him.

I feel you could have shown Jason tampering with the car rather than have him blurt it out.

Anyway just my thiughts on some of it.