Hmm.
Okay - the writing itself is EXCELLENT. Really solid. a breeze to get through,
I don't get the story at all.
MAJOR SPOILERS
ASSUMING I GOT IT RIGHT
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Johnny has a dream about killing his family by driving the car into a river.
We learn his wife his a druggie or a drinker who has given up on everything - a bitter,d pressed one here.
Johnny takes his son swimming and runs into an old friend (Alex) who has his own son/boy. We learn that Alex's wife recently died and that John recently moved close to them. We also learn that Johnny might be gay.
Back at home that night - Annette is a wreck - has fucked up dinner leaving that chore to Johnny now. Alex and his son just happen to stroll by just in time to get some chow. THey talk about how Alex is handling the death of his wife
Johnny visit his surly Dad to borrow a book. BUT - out of nowhere they find the corpse of a dog in the shed.
On the way home, Johnny stops by Alex's house. Get high - and - yep - they are both gay.
Johnny eventually goes home and finds the wife in bed - wants to tell her about this dream he has been having.
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So - all of the scenes were really well-written. But they make no sense in terms of a story. It's as if you had a bunch of scenes in your mind from different stories and decided to mash them all in to this one.
My suggestions.
Lose Johnny's kid - not needed. Have Johnny at the pool because he is a community volunteer lifeguard.
At his Dad's house - have Johnny discover the dog - he goes into the house to retrieve the book and out the window he sees the dog hanging from a tree. He goes out to it - examines it just like he did in the shed. He goes back to the bastard father - what happened!???
Father - I hung him. Caught him dry humping BUCK (Note: Buck will be another make dog at the Father's during their visit feet).
Johnny: Why?
Father: I ain't going to have no faggot dog on my ranch.
Keep the romantic scene between JOhhny and Alex
Johnny goes home - wakens a sleeping wife - he wants to take her on a ride - to the river....
TITLE: MESSAGE FROM A HANGING DOG
Or anything else really - right now IMO you do not have a cogent story. You have a collection of very solid scenes.
Nit Issue:
Quoted Text JOHNNY (CONT.) (CONT’D) Hayward and I went swimming. |
You have a couple of these double CONT"Ds
Quoted Text INT. BATHROOM EN-SUITE - DAY |
Where am I??? A house - a hotel????
Don't like JOHNNY as the lead character name especially when dealing with scripts that have kids in them as it sounds like a kids name and one can get confused - go with JOHN